28/05/2006

Ashabot weekend report




I got a confirmation number from the Nevada Arts Council the other day so the packet of poems I sent them passed inspection and will be considered for their yearly Artist's Fellowship Grant. Naturally, they will be rejected. That's understood. I'm not bracing myself for disappointment. Well maybe I am a little bit, but it's simply a fact. I don't write the kind of cozy, narrative poetry that is so popular these days. A friend and I submitted work just to keep our hands in the process. Don't worry. I will post the judge's comments, just as I did last year. They were completely negative but entertaining.



We woke up to snow on Saturday. It looked like someone sprayed crumbly white foam on everything but by mid-morning it melted away and I finally got all the plants planted. Because of the cold, the birds in the Bird Park got a big chunk of vegeterian suet (Marvel Meal) and lots of old cereal, peanuts, and endless sunflower seeds. Also, I caught 2 more mice in the humane trap and drove them out to the river to join their relatives, the teaming hoard of other Lelands. I'm approaching the final third of Cryptonomicon and dread the day when I reach the inevitable 918th page and be booted back out into mundane reality. Nothing like a good book, especially after just reading a really shitty one.

And finally, I still haven't finished the epilogue to the Cockroach Diary. I suspect I'm dragging my heels because I don't want to end it but it has. I've got to sort through photos, pick a video or two and polish up the short piece of music I wrote after Delicata died. It will all get done eventually. They lived in a small world with its own time and order so no need to impose a deadline now.




27/05/2006

Saturday matinee, weekend picks



It's Saturday so kick back at the matinee...



The Hardest Part
Cheezy daytime TV throws down the gauntlet. Time to butch up.


Lookwell!
Early 90's show created by Robert Smigel and Conan. Hilarious.






Bush impeachment


"Ask not what your President can do for you, because he's clearly not about to do jack. Ask what you can do to send him back to Crawford to await criminal prosecution. All the resources you need to get involved are here: After Downing Street"
~ opednews.com









26/05/2006

Hobo holiday



I found this on a site by and for hobos
and thought it was kind of interesting.

HOBO ROAD SIGNS











24/05/2006

FBI raid on lawmaker



Certainly Democrats deserve criticism for not standing up to Bush's extremism. They have proven themselves spineless whimps but if they are guilty of being door mats then the Republicans are one giant red carpet that has paved the way for this Administration's contemptible agenda and high crimes. It's pathetic only now that the FBI raided a fellow politicians's office that they are suddenly "outraged" and speaking against Bush's gestapo tactics. Apparently we learned nothing from the Germans and their Hitler.


"In Germany they first came for the Communists and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me--and by that time no one was left to speak up."
-- Reverend Martin Niemoller, Germany 1945







Rove indictment update, Truthout



This fine image created by: Stephen Pitt of Light to Dark


I am a political junky. Can't help it. It's due to my gallows personality, I suppose. I'm fascinated by the fray. Anyway, I'm dashing off to Reno in 5 minutes but just wanted to pass along this Rove update from truthout in case you haven't read it.

According to them, the reason Rove has not yet been indicted in the Valerie Plame case may be because he is turning state's witness against Cheney. We can only hope. And Fitzpatrick may ultimately get Bush. My god, could justice and truth prevail? These rat bastards should all be in jail but instead they are running us headlong into war with Iran...and beyond.

Anyway, gotta go. Have a great day. Keep your fingers crossed.









23/05/2006

The Eternal Value of Privacy




Too many wrongly characterize the debate as "security versus privacy." The real choice is liberty versus control. Tyranny, whether it arises under threat of foreign physical attack or under constant domestic authoritative scrutiny, is still tyranny. Liberty requires security without intrusion, security plus privacy. Widespread police surveillance is the very definition of a police state. And that's why we should champion privacy even when we have nothing to hide.


My thoughts exactly and as I'm very busy with Spring at the moment this will have to do for my current rant. The volunteer sunflowers are up and vying for prominence in their oh so tiny garden and need my help as they can't walk to a less crowded spot by themselves. The crows are standing on the fence demanding more (terrible but don't tell them) organic blueberry waffles. They soak them in water first, something I didn't think of. Healthy food. Ya gotta know how to eat it. Then there's a little lopsided tree still waiting for me to find a place for it to live out its life in peace and enough sunshine. Plus, I have to finish Delicata's memorial including the Coda for Three Cockroaches and that's just the fun stuff. The world is demanding things of me as well but it all has to wait in line with everything while I finish this blog post, doesn't it? Anyway, speak up. Rail against the machine. As always, silence is death.

Sir! No sir!


And, if you want to lighten up and are up for a little slight of eye, check out John Sadowski's latest illusion. Very cool.


UPDATE: Okay, So I'm ADHD-PI but here's another exciting little adventure from the Bird Park, as it happens. I call it Waffle and the Crow. Now, I've really got to get busy.





20/05/2006

La morte di La Delicata


I've tarried writing about this for the last few days but here it is in part, the real news, the end of the story of the life and times of three giant, hissing Madagascan cockroaches living in an oasis in the Nevada desert.

La Delicata, the last of the three, has pass away. She lived a good long time for a cockroach and had a peaceful death, a blessing for anyone in these mad times. There's more, and more to come, in the Cockroach Diary but this enough for tonight.




World Trade Center, the movie




Oliver Stone has put his name to a new Hollywood movie called World Trade Center but Stone is nothing. It's Paramount's movie and obviously propaganda designed to pump up public sentiment and fear. Clearly, its release is timed to benefit conservatives using terror as political currency. It plays right into our glorified self-centeredness and feeds our national excuse justifying the immoral war we are inflicting on millions of innocents. It's sickening! Instead of indulging ourselves further, isn't it time we look beyond our cozy kitchens and face the sadly overlooked story of the Iraqi people's "courage and survival" during their extended time "shock and awe and incredible suffering"?






18/05/2006

Ben Metcalf, On Simple Human Decency

Excerpt from Ben Metcalf's article in Harper's Magazine, "On Simple Human Decency".

"Ever wonder if you're allowed to write, 'I would like to hunt down George W. Bush, the president of the United States, and kill him with my bare hands'?"

If you want to know the answer here's a link to the PDF of the article from the June 2006 issue of Harper's Magazine." It's a must read. 

photo credit: Sir! No Sir




16/05/2006

Questioning the SILENCE




Ben Metcalf, the Literary Editor for Harper’s Magazine, wrote a wonderful, brave article for their June issue. Do yourself a favor and read it. It's on page 9. But in case you don't get around to it, I have included a couple of paragraphs from it below. Metcalf asks a question that I'm sure has crossed the minds of more than a few decent, rational, upstanding citizens in the last few years, at least it has crossed mine.

Excerpt from "On Simple Human Decency"
- by Ben Metcalf - Harper's Magazine, June 2006

"I am therefore led to wonder what the common citizen is allowed to "say" anymore, in print or otherwise, and still feel reasonably sure that some indignant team of G-men, or else a pair of gung-ho local screws, will not drag him away to a detention center, there to act out, with the detainee as a prop, that familiar scene in which one hero cop or another is patriotically unable to resist certain outbursts against the detainee and what were once imagined to be the detainee's constitutional rights. Because I am loath to violate whatever fresh new mores the people have agreed upon, or have been told they agree upon, and because I do not care to have my ass kicked repeatedly in a holding cell while I beg to see a lawyer, I almost hesitate to ask the following question. I will ask it, though, out of what used to be called simple
human decency:

Am I allowed to write that I would like to hunt down George W. Bush, the president of the United States, and kill him with my bare hands?"




Given the mess Bush has gotten us into, I'd say Metcalf's question is a reasonable one. Not only is Bush an idiot, he is a corporate shill who has pimped the White House out to his shady, corporate cronies. And besides being stupid and pathologically unethical, Bush is also dangerously insane. He consults religious fundamentalists to make sure his foreign policy suits their wet dream vision of the Apocalypse. He is also personally responsible for the deaths of hundreds of thousands of innocent men, women, children, animals and our own, beautiful, young American soldiers who he sent to death based on his lies that he covered up by an act of treason, a crime punishable by death in a time of war. Then there's the illegal spying on Americans, the systematic shredding of our Constitution, the corporate rape of environment, the dismantling of our already inadequate health care, what to speak of his current, mad plan to embroil us in yet another war, this time with Iran etc, etc...oh god, the list does go on.

I am grateful there are at least a few brave writers left in the mainstream media who are willing to challenge the suffocating silence that blankets us today but I'm not going to be a spoiler. You'll have to read the article to find out whether or not it's okay to write:

I would like to hunt down George W. Bush, the president of the United States, and kill him with my bare hands.











14/05/2006

Rove indicted






Supposedly on Friday Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald gave Karl Rove's lawyers an indictment for the squishy bastard charging Bush's Brain with perjury and lying to investigators about his role in the outing of CIA undercover agent Valerie Plame. I sure hope it's true. You can read the complete story yourself at several places including Truth Out and Oped News.

Apparently, Turd Blossom has 24 hours to get his affairs in order. That would make today THE DAY. Please oh please oh. Perhaps Dirty Dick is next? Seems that Fitzgerald has some incriminating notes on the subject penned by the Dickster himself. I can only hope that Sneaky George gets outed as well. They are all treasonist bastards.


Alternate realities: Al Gore on Saturday Night Live







13/05/2006

Mother's day video card


A couple of days ago Mr. Lee sent me this little movie about brothers making a m's day photo. You may have seen it but I pass along here anyway in case you are still looking for that special something.

So...Happy Mother's Day whatever you are.





11/05/2006

Peeping Tom








In case you're wondering, I did finish reading Tom Wolfe's latest book, "I am Charlotte Simmons". It stinks. He should have called it, "I am Peeping Tom Wolfe". It's a wank from start to finish.

On his website, this novel is described as a "much-anticipated triumph by America's master chronicler immortalizing the sex-crazed, jock-obsessed college life of the '00s". Hardly. If you ask me, this book chronicles a senior citizen's creepy obsession with the sex lives of young people. At the end, Wolfe has a dumpy, tenured relic of a professor force a moral reckoning upon the characters but it's a weak attempt to give the novel a point. The "Man in White" is lost in the revels of self-indulgence. It's kind of sad but fascinating in a train wreck kind of way. As an aside I found it interesting that Wolfe and Bush are great fans of one another. Figures. They'd make quite a duo at a karaoke night club.

Excerpt from page 270:
" The machine, called a StairMaster, allowed you to run — if you could really call it running — without taking your feet off a pair of huge pedals. It was a bit like standing up and "pumping" on a bicycle. There were many girls...Some wore plain, sexless gym clothes, T-shirts, sweatshirts, running shorts, and sneakers. More, however, came dressed as...girls. Super-low-cut sweatpants they had! And short T-shirts! And lots of nubile young flesh and belly buttons in between! From the back...was he seeing a little buttocks décolletage, a little cleavage...Right in front of Adam, a girl with long blond hair pumped away on the StairMaster in low-waisted lavender nylon running shorts and an abbreviated, royal blue basketball jersey. She didn't have large breasts, but with each rotation her nipples pressed out against the thin nylon of the halter, and her belly button winked this way and that in the long expanse of bare flesh. Four machines down the row, a girl wore black tights, which gripped every curve and crevice of her loins like a second skin, and a flesh-colored athletic bra. The tops of her breasts bobbed up and down like flan. You have to look twice to make sure she had on any bra at all. The sight aroused Adam. His own loins were on the qui vive, as if something were about to...happen in this so-called fitness center...The push of a button, the flick of a switch...and they would stop pretending anymore and plunge into a full-blown rout, an out-and-out orgy, and rutrutrutrutrut..."
Obviously, it's ol' Tom who's rutrutrutrutruting.





08/05/2006

Tombstone Stories, Reno



I've taken a lot of photos of graves in the Nevada outback. They are scattered throughout my Nevada Journal along with other quirky pictures from the region. The graves in the desert are generally from the 1800's and have mellowed into colorful, anonymous history. The wind and grinding sand have rubbed names away but not the sense of a journey with high hopes and strong bonds.

This memento beside Interstate 395 near Reno's Hilton Casino marks a different end along the road that came later, after the pioneers and explorers carved a path through the west and vanished along it. These stones mark the end of a hopeless journey that, as the story goes, no one took to nowhere.



07/05/2006

SF short



The Cobert thing interrupted the regular ebb and flow of things around here so it's merely coincidence that I'm posting the link to another video at this point. This is a short one called "They are made out of meat". It's based on a story by Hugo Award winning SF author Terry Bisson. I find it wonderfully quirky. Perhaps you might enjoy it as well.


Bush's reaction to Colbert roast



Bush during the ass kicking Colbert gave him at the Correspondents Dinner via IFLIM. Now, until these current updated links are pulled like the others have been, this about covers it.


RE-UPDATE:
The Google links are not accessible half the time but these links have been good from the start:
Colbert video part 1Colbert video part 2




03/05/2006

Thanks Colbert

RE-RE-RE-RE-RE UPDATE ... keeping up with the Colbert video is a task. The links keep getting removed but for the moment you can see them here:

Google Video post

The Google links is not accessible half the time but these links have been good from the start:
Colbert video part 1
Colbert video part 2



Was Stephen Colbert's Cspan monologue merely edgy dinner theatre or is our collective voice finally beginning to break free of the spell cast by the retrogressives? To the extent that the answer is up to us, like Colbert on Saturday night, we've got to kick so-called "political correctness" to the curb. It's cowardliness masquerading virtue. Still, always good to give credit where credit is due. Colbert broke the Perfect Silence at the White House Media Whores Dinner. Here's a place you can thank him.





02/05/2006

Right-wing conspirators




First in a series. Meet the conspirators who are manipulating America, dismantling our Constitution, Bill of Rights and working, step by baby step, to replace our Democracy with extremist, fundamentalist religious rule.

Howard F. Ahmanson Jr is a multimillionaire who, among other things, owns the company that produces and oversees the Diebold electronic voting machines. Where campaigns fall short, it's Diebold to the rescue. These machines are designed so that they don't produce a back up paper trail that would verify voting results. These machines are easily adjusted to show whatever outcome the Conspiracy wants. Naturally Bush allows Diebold to police themselves. Cosy little arrangement. The Orange County Register reported in 2004, he "no longer consider[s] [it] essential" to stone people who are deemed to have committed certain immoral acts." On the other hand, Ahmanson also told the Register, "It would still be a little hard to say that if one stumbled on a country that was doing that, that it is inherently immoral, to stone people for these things. But I don't think it's at all a necessity."

This is yet one more reason why I am so disgusted by religion.





30/04/2006

Colbert at Correspondence Dinner video

RE-RE-RE-RE UPDATE: The Colbert links keep getting removed but for the moment you can see them here in all their scathing glory.

Entire Dinner video.google

Colbert alone video.google

Google gets overloaded but these links have been good from the start:

Colbert 1
Colbert 2


It's so satisfying knowing that the cowardly King George and his court had to just sit there and sweat it out in front of the cameras while Colbert repeatedly kicked them in the bush.

(NOTE: Full transcript here)





Stephen Colbert at White House Correspondents dinner

Amuse yourself with the truth.


Stephen Colbert (Truthy Man!) gutted everybody last night at the White House Correspondent Dinner Saturday. George and Laura were not amused. I love this guy. It was more than a blood letting. He wielded language with the same deadly precision that a master samurai wields a sword, going right to the gut and heart. Bush & Co. including their Dick-whipped military "professionals", so used to being protected by the media whores, were stunned. Colbert got around to 'em all.

RE-RE-RE-RE-RE UPDATE
... sorry for the confusion. The Colbert links keep getting removed but for the moment you can see them here:

Entire Correspondence Dinner video.google

Colbert segment video.google

The Google links are not accessible half the time but these links have been good from the start:

Colbert video part 1Colbert video part 2

ANOTHER BLOODY UPDATE:
None of these links are good anymore but the complete transcript is included below:


TRANSCRIPT:

Here's the complete transcript. I got it from Fredrick at Daily Kos. It's well worth a read. Also, here's a link to the video from Cspan. It includes a little film he made (delightful cameo by Helen Thomas) in case the White House wanted to interview him for the position of Press Secretary. They didn't.

STEPHEN COLBERT: Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Before I begin, I've been asked to make an announcement. Whoever parked 14 black bulletproof S.U.V.'s out front, could you please move them? They are blocking in 14 other black bulletproof S.U.V.'s and they need to get out.

Wow. Wow, what an honor. The White House correspondents' dinner. To actually sit here, at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush, to be this close to the man. I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You know what? I'm a pretty sound sleeper -- that may not be enough. Somebody shoot me in the face. Is he really not here tonight? Dammit. The one guy who could have helped.

By the way, before I get started, if anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Somebody from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail. Mark Smith, ladies and gentlemen of the press corps, Madame First Lady, Mr. President, my name is Stephen Colbert and tonight it's my privilege to celebrate this president. We're not so different, he and I. We get it. We're not brainiacs on the nerd patrol. We're not members of the factinista. We go straight from the gut, right sir? That's where the truth lies, right down here in the gut. Do you know you have more nerve endings in your gut than you have in your head? You can look it up. I know some of you are going to say "I did look it up, and that's not true." That's 'cause you looked it up in a book.

Next time, look it up in your gut. I did. My gut tells me that's how our nervous system works. Every night on my show, the Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, OK? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it the "No Fact Zone." Fox News, I hold a copyright on that term.

I'm a simple man with a simple mind. I hold a simple set of beliefs that I live by. Number one, I believe in America. I believe it exists. My gut tells me I live there. I feel that it extends from the Atlantic to the Pacific, and I strongly believe it has 50 states. And I cannot wait to see how the Washington Post spins that one tomorrow. I believe in democracy. I believe democracy is our greatest export. At least until China figures out a way to stamp it out of plastic for three cents a unit.

In fact, Ambassador Zhou Wenzhong, welcome. Your great country makes our Happy Meals possible. I said it's a celebration. I believe the government that governs best is the government that governs least. And by these standards, we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.

I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible -- I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical. And though I am a committed Christian, I believe that everyone has the right to their own religion, be you Hindu, Jewish or Muslim. I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior.

Ladies and gentlemen, I believe it's yogurt. But I refuse to believe it's not butter. Most of all, I believe in this president.

Now, I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in "reality." And reality has a well-known liberal bias.

So, Mr. President, please, pay no attention to the people that say the glass is half full. 32% means the glass -- it's important to set up your jokes properly, sir. Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash. Okay, look, folks, my point is that I don't believe this is a low point in this presidency. I believe it is just a lull before a comeback.

I mean, it's like the movie "Rocky." All right. The president in this case is Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed is -- everything else in the world. It's the tenth round. He's bloodied. His corner man, Mick, who in this case I guess would be the vice president, he's yelling, "Cut me, Dick, cut me!," and every time he falls everyone says, "Stay down! Stay down!" Does he stay down? No. Like Rocky, he gets back up, and in the end he -- actually, he loses in the first movie.

OK. Doesn't matter. The point is it is the heart-warming story of a man who was repeatedly punched in the face. So don't pay attention to the approval ratings that say 68% of Americans disapprove of the job this man is doing. I ask you this, does that not also logically mean that 68% approve of the job he's not doing? Think about it. I haven't.

I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound -- with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world.

Now, there may be an energy crisis. This president has a very forward-thinking energy policy. Why do you think he's down on the ranch cutting that brush all the time? He's trying to create an alternative energy source. By 2008 we will have a mesquite-powered car!

And I just like the guy. He's a good joe. Obviously loves his wife, calls her his better half. And polls show America agrees. She's a true lady and a wonderful woman. But I just have one beef, ma'am.

I'm sorry, but this reading initiative. I'm sorry, I've never been a fan of books. I don't trust them. They're all fact, no heart. I mean, they're elitist, telling us what is or isn't true, or what did or didn't happen. Who's Britannica to tell me the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American! I'm with the president, let history decide what did or did not happen.

The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change; this man's beliefs never will. As excited as I am to be here with the president, I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America, with the exception of Fox News. Fox News gives you both sides of every story: the president's side, and the vice president's side.

But the rest of you, what are you thinking, reporting on NSA wiretapping or secret prisons in eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason: they're super-depressing. And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished. Over the last five years you people were so good -- over tax cuts, WMD intelligence, the effect of global warming. We Americans didn't want to know, and you had the courtesy not to try to find out. Those were good times, as far as we knew.

But, listen, let's review the rules. Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Just put 'em through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know - fiction!

Because really, what incentive do these people have to answer your questions, after all? I mean, nothing satisfies you. Everybody asks for personnel changes. So the White House has personnel changes. Then you write, "Oh, they're just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic." First of all, that is a terrible metaphor. This administration is not sinking. This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg!

Now, it's not all bad guys out there. Some are heroes: Christopher Buckley, Jeff Sacks, Ken Burns, Bob Schieffer. They've all been on my show. By the way, Mr. President, thank you for agreeing to be on my show. I was just as shocked as everyone here is, I promise you. How's Tuesday for you? I've got Frank Rich, but we can bump him. And I mean bump him. I know a guy. Say the word.

See who we've got here tonight. General Moseley, Air Force Chief of Staff. General Peter Pace, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. They still support Rumsfeld. Right, you guys aren't retired yet, right? Right, they still support Rumsfeld.

Look, by the way, I've got a theory about how to handle these retired generals causing all this trouble: don't let them retire! Come on, we've got a stop-loss program; let's use it on these guys. I've seen Zinni and that crowd on Wolf Blitzer. If you're strong enough to go on one of those pundit shows, you can stand on a bank of computers and order men into battle. Come on.

Jesse Jackson is here, the Reverend. Haven't heard from the Reverend in a little while. I had him on the show. Very interesting and challenging interview. You can ask him anything, but he's going to say what he wants, at the pace that he wants. It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.

Justice Scalia is here. Welcome, sir. May I be the first to say, you look fantastic. How are you? [After each sentence, Colbert makes a hand gesture, an allusion to Scalia's recent use of an obscene Sicilian hand gesture in speaking to a reporter about Scalia's critics. Scalia is seen laughing hysterically.] Just talking some Sicilian with my paisan.

John McCain is here. John McCain, John McCain, what a maverick! Somebody find out what fork he used on his salad, because I guarantee you it wasn't a salad fork. This guy could have used a spoon! There's no predicting him. By the way, Senator McCain, it's so wonderful to see you coming back into the Republican fold. I have a summer house in South Carolina; look me up when you go to speak at Bob Jones University. So glad you've seen the light, sir.

Mayor Nagin! Mayor Nagin is here from New Orleans, the chocolate city! Yeah, give it up. Mayor Nagin, I'd like to welcome you to Washington, D.C., the chocolate city with a marshmallow center. And a graham cracker crust of corruption. It's a Mallomar, I guess is what I'm describing, a seasonal cookie.

Joe Wilson is here, Joe Wilson right down here in front, the most famous husband since Desi Arnaz. And of course he brought along his lovely wife Valerie Plame. Oh, my god! Oh, what have I said? [looks horrified] I am sorry, Mr. President, I meant to say he brought along his lovely wife Joe Wilson's wife. Patrick Fitzgerald is not here tonight? OK. Dodged a bullet.

And, of course, we can't forget the man of the hour, new press secretary, Tony Snow. Secret Service name, "Snow Job." Toughest job. What a hero! Took the second toughest job in government, next to, of course, the ambassador to Iraq.

Got some big shoes to fill, Tony. Big shoes to fill. Scott McClellan could say nothing like nobody else. McClellan, of course, eager to retire. Really felt like he needed to spend more time with Andrew Card's children. Mr. President, I wish you hadn't made the decision so quickly, sir.

I was vying for the job myself. I think I would have made a fabulous press secretary. I have nothing but contempt for these people. I know how to handle these clowns. In fact, sir, I brought along an audition tape and with your indulgence, I'd like to at least give it a shot. So, ladies and gentlemen, my press conference.

VIDEO

STEPHEN COLBERT: Helen Thomas, ladies and gentlemen. Mr. Smith, members of the White House Correspondents Association, Madame First Lady, Mr. President, it's been a true honor. Thank you very much. Good night!

TRANSCRIPT OF "AUDITION TAPE"

Colbert shows a video of a mock press conference. It opens with him at a podium, addressing the assembled Washington press corps.

COLBERT: I have a brief statement: the press is destroying America. OK, let's see who we've got here today.

COLBERT (acknowledging various reporters): Stretch! (David Gregory nods)

Sir Nerdlington! (reporter nods)

Sloppy Joe! (reporter nods)

Terry Lemon Moran Pie! (Terry Moran nods)

Oh, Doubting Thomas, always a pleasure. (Helen Thomas smiles)

And Suzanne Mal -- hello!!

(Suzanne Malveaux stares at Colbert, looking unhappy. Colbert mimics putting a phone to his ear and mouths "call me.")

REPORTER: Will the Vice President be available soon to answer all questions himself?

COLBERT: I've already addressed that question. You (pointing to another reporter).

REPORTER: Walter Cronkite, the noted CBS anchor, . . .

COLBERT (interrupting): Ah, no, he's the former CBS anchor. Katie Couric is the new anchor of the CBS Evening News. Well, well, how do you guys feel about that?

You, tousle-haired guy in the back. Are you happy about Katie Couric taking over the CBS Evening News?

DAN RATHER: No, sir, Mr. Colbert. Are you? (Laughter)

COLBERT: Boom! Oh, look, we woke David Gregory up. Question?

DAVID GREGORY: Did Karl Rove commit a crime?

COLBERT: I don't know. I'll ask him.

(Colbert turns to Rove) Karl, pay attention please! (Rove is seen drawing a heart with "Karl + Stephen" written on it.)

GREGORY: Do you stand by your statement from the fall of 2003 when you were asked specifically about Karl, and Elliott Abrams, and Scooter Libby, and you said "I've gone to each of those gentlemen, and they have told me that they are not involved in this." Do you stand by that statement?

COLBERT: Nah, I was just kidding!

GREGORY: No, you're not finishing. You're not saying anything! You stood at that podium and said . . .

COLBERT (interrupting): Ah, that's where you're wrong. New podium! Just had it delivered today. Get your facts straight, David.

GREGORY: This is ridiculous. The notion that you're going to stand before us after having commented with that level of detail and tell the people watching this that somehow you've decided not to talk. You've got to . . .

(Colbert is seen looking at three buttons on the podium, labeled "EJECT," "GANNON" and "VOLUME." He selects the "VOLUME" button and turns it. We see Gregory's lips continue moving, but can't hear any sound coming out.)

COLBERT: If I can't hear you, I can't answer your question. I'm sorry! I have to move on. Terry.

TERRY MORAN: After the investigation began, after the criminal investigation was underway, you said . . .

(Colbert presses a button on the podium and fast-forwards through most of Moran's question.)

MORAN (continuing): All of a sudden, you have respect for the sanctity of a criminal investigation?

COLBERT (seen playing with rubber ball, which he is bouncing off attached paddle): No, I never had any respect for the sanctity of a criminal investigation. Activist judges! Yes, Helen.

HELEN THOMAS: You're going to be sorry. (Laughter)

COLBERT (looking vastly amused, mockingly): What are you going to do, Helen, ask me for a recipe?

THOMAS: Your decision to invade Iraq has caused the deaths of thousands (Colbert's smile fades) of Americans and Iraqis, wounds of Americans and Iraqis for a lifetime.

COLBERT (interrupting): OK, hold on Helen, look . . .

THOMAS (continuing): Every reason given, publicly at least, has turned out not to be true. My question is why did you really want to go to war?

COLBERT (again interrupting): Helen, I'm going to stop you right there. (Thomas keeps talking.) That's enough! No! Sorry, Helen, I'm moving on. (Colbert tries to turn her volume off, but the knob falls off his controls.)

(Various reporters start shouting questions at Colbert.)

COLBERT (agitated): Guys, guys, please don't let Helen do this to what was a lovely day.

(Reporters keep shouting at him.)

COLBERT (putting his fingers over his ears and shouting in a high-pitched voice): Bllrrtt! No, no, no, no, no. I'm not listening to you!

Look what you did, Helen! I hate you!

(Helen Thomas glowers at Colbert.)

COLBERT (frantic): I'm out of here!

(Colbert pulls back the curtain behind him, desperately trying to flee. He says, "There is a wall here!" The press corps laughs. Colbert has difficulty finding a door from which to exit the room, echoing Bush's experience in China. He finally finds the door and hurries through it.)

COLBERT: It reeks in there! Ridiculous! I've never been so insulted in my life! Stupid job.

(Colbert continues walking away. We hear sinister-sounding music playing. We see Helen Thomas walking behind Colbert.)

(Colbert looks behind him, sees Thomas, and starts running.)

(Colbert trips over a roller skate, and yells "Condi!" We see a close-up of Helen Thomas' face, looking determined and angry. Colbert, increasingly panicked, gets up and continues running, running into a parking garage. He reaches an emergency call box, and yells into it.)

COLBERT: Oh, thank God. Help me!

ATTENDANT: What seems to be the problem, sir?

COLBERT: She won't stop asking why we invaded Iraq!

ATTENDANT: Hey, why did we invade Iraq?

COLBERT: NO!!! (runs toward his car)

(We see Helen Thomas, still walking toward him.)

(Colbert reaches his car, and fumblingly attempts to open it with his key. He is in such a desperate hurry that he fumbles with the keys and drops them. When he picks them up, he looks back and Helen is even closer. In his frantic rush, Colbert just can't get the keys into the lock.)

(Just as his anxiety is getting completely out of control he suddenly remembers that he has a keyless remote -- so he just pushes the button on the keychain and the car unlocks immediately with the usual double squeak noise. Colbert jumps in and locks the door, and continues to fumble trying to get the car started. He finally succeeds, and looks up to see Helen standing in front of the car, notepad in hand.)

COLBERT: NO!!! NO!!!

(Colbert puts the car into reverse and drives off, tires squealing. Thomas smiles.)

(Colbert is shown taking the shuttle from Washington, D.C. to New York. A car and driver are waiting for him at Penn Station. The uniformed man standing alongside the car opens the door and lets Colbert in.)

COLBERT: What a terrible trip, Danny. Take me home.

(The driver locks the doors, turns around, and says, "Buckle up, hon." IT'S HELEN THOMAS!!!)

COLBERT (horrified face pressed against car window): NO!!!






29/04/2006

7 o'clock magpie

WARNING: This video is hard core Bird Park. So far, none of my friends like it ... no action ... so ordinary ...etc. etc. They're right but I like it anyway. Just a note: I didn't dub the music in later. I just happened to be listening to LOW while recording this unevent. They go together very well so I think of it as a happy synchronicity.



A young magpie happened by the Bird Park one evening and found the French fries I'd put out at the end of the day. She was delighted. Now she often shows up at dusk hoping for more. This particular evening she and her friend were not disappointed.

One more note: In case you're wondering ... that golden pile is not all french fries, just the tiny pile in front. The stuff in the background is straw I put out for nests. It is a bird park after all and it's spring.


Junkyard Bunny




Life for the junkyard bunny on HWY 395 isn't all that luxurious
but it's a life. After all, gotta live somewhere.


The seagulls, on the other hand, have some choices.





28/04/2006

Invisible event



I am having a bitch of a time uploading the Bird Park video.
I'm sure this is devastating news but keep checking back. The show will go on....





25/04/2006

AJR 39





"At both the state and national levels, we will be paying for the Bush Administration's illegal actions and terrible lack of judgment and competence for decades‚—not only in the billions of dollars wasted on the war and welfare for the rich, but in the worldwide loss of respect for America and Americans. Bush and Cheney must be impeached and removed from office before they undertake even deadlier misdeeds, such as the use of nuclear weapons. There are no bounds to their willingness to ignore the Constitution and world opinion‚—we can't afford to wait for the next disaster and hope that we can survive it."
That paragraph is what California Assemblyman Paul Koretz of Los Angeles added to Assembly Joint Resolution No. 39 turning it into a bill to impeach Bush and Cheney. Thank the gods somebody's got some guts! Later Koretz's told the press this bill,
"bases the call for impeachment upon the Bush Administration intentionally misleading the Congress and the American people regarding the threat from Iraq in order to justify an unnecessary war that has cost billions of dollars and thousands of lives and casualties; exceeding constitutional authority to wage war by invading Iraq; exceeding constitutional authority by Federalizing the National Guard; conspiring to torture prisoners in violation of the 'Federal Torture Act' and indicating intent to continue such actions; spying on American citizens in violation of the 1978 Foreign Agency Surveillance Act; leaking and covering up the leak of the identity of Valerie Plame Wilson, and holding American citizens without charge or trial."



Thank you Mr. Koretz and the other intelligent people who made my day. It had taken a very bizarre turn for the worse late this afternoon. I was back at that church run thrift store where the fat, amped-up old lady works and browsing for books when a guy with one of those oily personalities was suddenly standing in the middle of the aisle completely blocking it. I excused myself and wedged by but he struck up a sticky conversation anyway. On the surface it was ordinary but it gave me the creeps anyway. Some indefinable something about the guy was really unsavory. A few minutes later the whole store could hear him blabbering to the cashier that he thought "we" should nuke Iran because gas prices are too high then, "after everything has been turned to glass, send the Marines in to paint red and white stripes all over everything."







NUCLEAR WAR?!?!#!



Holy shit! A real, live Bushite! No compassion. No logic. Not even a sense of consequences. Stark raving insane and, as if that wasn't enough, immersed in a bitter irony. He had the audacity ... the hubris ... no ... he was so deranged that he added, in a quieter tone meant to reassure us that dropping nuclear bombs on people is okay if he thinks so because he is a "Christian and a man of peace."

I gotten to the point that I even recoil from "nice" church folks and this is exactly why. They harbor and legitimize these maniacs. This fellow was a member of the Methodist church that runs this particular thrift store so the cashier, who is also a member, nodded and smiled and commiserated with him. Protecting herself from a raving lunatic is one thing. Although I wish I had, I didn't confront him either but when I asked her what she thought she simpered, "Well, gas prices are too high". I blasted her and she grew ever more ambiguous and friendly even throwing in the grimy little notebook I wanted a price on for free.

So they are out there, the Jesus freaks who have their heads so far up their asses they look down their noses at the world. They believe Bush in spite of the fact that he is a blatantly corrupt, scatterbrain dolt, dope, dunce, idiot, halfwit nitwit, numskull fool, criminal liar, evil traitor, pinhead, nincompoop.

Impeach the whole lot.

Okay. Okay. I'm done. For now.


On the brighter side:

Coming soon ...
The 7 o'clock Magpie
Another thrilling adventure
from the Bird Park!




23/04/2006

Delicata and Fatty Leland




Now that Fatty Leland has moved to the river the house is a lot quieter, not that he made noise. Not him. He was one smooth operator. Delicata though, lately she has been doing a lot of cursing. She's been upset for the last couple of weeks, sometimes hissing us right out of the front room. She didn't want anyone around. At the time I thought maybe she was feeling protective about her recent ootheca. That may have been part of it but the other day M. Lee suggested that perhaps Fatty Leland had been bothering her. After all, he freaked us out a couple of times scooting around in plain sight. There are always tasty treats on Delicata's little, black dishes. Fatty may have fussed and fiddled with the screen on the terrarium trying to get at them. I wouldn't put it past him. Anyway, for whatever reason, Delicata is a lot more peaceful since he left.


21/04/2006

Net neutrality



Next week corporate juggernauts like AOL and AT&T are fully expecting Congress to gut Network Neutrality, the Internet's First Amendment which protects free and equal access to all, and replace it with bottleneck legislation permitting them to divert, limit, control and tax web traffic. As usual, the corporate barons feel entitled to "special advantages" but it's simply extortion. Nothing more. UPS and FedX cannot dictate the flow of packages. Telephone companies cannot tell consumers who they can call. No one can dictate who, what or where we visit along the highway or what we do in our travels. In the same way network operators should NOT dictate what people can do online. Congress MUST protect the freedom and democracy of the Internet. To do otherwise would be an unforgivable betrayal of public trust.


Understanding net neutrality
Video URL Permalink

Also watch Leo Laporte and friends at TWiT discuss net neutrality.

Video URL Permalink

In the fight against these freewheeling corporations that are wealthier and more powerful than whole countries combined, the odds are definitely stacked against us. The Corporatocracy is the guiding philosophy behind the retrogressive Republican Party and the Bush Administration. These bastards watch each other's back and they all refuse to be accountable to the world around them. They act like they are invulnerable but they have to be stopped.

Let them know you are watching and keeping score.

Sign this petition at MoveOn.org and pass the link along to as many people as you can. It's one thing among many small things we can do. Yes it is a seemingly pointless act, but ... individually against these guys we are truly nothing. Corporations are collectives. We must be a volunteer, free form collective and speak for ourselves.





19/04/2006

The Decider? God help us!



George Bush reminded us all the other day that he's IN CHARGE! Not only is he a madman, the guy's a boob.

"I hear the voices, and I read the front page, and I know the speculation. But I'm the decider, and I decide what is best. And what's best is for Don Rumsfeld to remain as the secretary of defense."


"I read the front page"!?!? I realize that for Bubble Boy, even reading the front page is a big deal. Sadly, I don't believe he even does that.

I am fully convinced that Bush is fully capable and, as The Decider, almost certainly secretly planning a nuclear attack on Iran. Just as fundamentalist Muslims devote themselves to their Jihad, Bush is devoted to his Apocalypse and has proven himself to be a liar and traitor willing to do anything to achieve his ends. He is a truly dangerous fool but if we let him continue bulldozing the way for this insane fundamentalist crusade we have only ourselves to blame.

"There's an old saying in Tennessee ... I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee ... that says, fool me once, shame on ... shame on you. Fool me ...you can't get fooled again."

~—President George W. Bush, Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002 (Listen to audio or watch the video)

Unfortunately, we have proven again and again that we are willing to be fooled again and again.


Come on. At least sign the petitions:

Oppose attack on Iran

True Majority Petition against invading Iran



16/04/2006

Puppet's revolt

There's an excellent, short article about newspeak and framing at the Project for the OLD American Century, well worth a read if you're a conscious person, and especially if you're a writer.

Puppet theater - Mexico

George Lakoff wrote about framing in his book Don't Think of an Elephant. This is information the regressives have been using against us for a long time. If we want to get out from under their influence, it would help to look at how they pull the strings.

The Revolt Of The Puppets
Dedicated to C. J. Lovik "The Master Puppeteer"

Looked down upon my marionettes
with slumber in their eyes.
Saw them resting, lying still,
their silence no surprise,
Awaiting but my touch to bring
their footsteps to tomorrow,
Wanting for my hands to mold
the script they've got to follow.

Dressed in costumes finery,
jesters, queens and more,
I thought that they reminded me
of something seen before -
All the different sizes, shapes,
the colors, noses, smiles,
The capes, the cloaks and funny shirts
the peasants, princes, styles.

All so different, all the same,
singular in thought.
Belonging to that wooden thing
yes, fashioned by a block.
Ah! I stared, I looked at them,
I watched for quite some time
Thinking 'bout these wooden heads,
these marionettes of mine.
Then moving as by habit,
I picked up the wooden sticks
Held them in my well trained hands
a smile about my lips.
Pulled one string to another,
saw their footsteps fall.
Their rags, their robes a whirling
each and every, all.

I had now, awakened them,
awakened them from sleep.
Set the stage, the scenery
I made them laugh and weep.
I wrote my script, they gave it voice.
They made my words their home,
And you see they followed it
for they had none of their own.

And at home in sweet contentment
from the peasant to the queen.
They had nothing but their costumes,
their wood, their strings, the scene.
And tears fell for these little folks,
these tiny blocks of wood
Who acted out the parts they played
but never understood.
Never knew just why they spoke
the words that tumbled out,
never knew what made them do
the things they acted out.

And I the Puppeteer could see
and see too plainly still,
That these my precious little ones
would never get their fill.
Their fill of dancing and delight,
never tire of the string
Never tire of the theater,
me, or pretending everything.

It seemed they always would be mine
to control at will,
Destined to be the actors
of the master scriptor's skill.
Their wooden heads just pine blocks
to bend and bow for me,
And any other Puppeteer
who happened just like me.

And putting down the strings awhile
I fell into a sleep,
A sleep that seemed eternal,
fanciful and deep.
And it was while at slumber
wrapped in her throws, her calm
That I suddenly awakened,
to some witchcraft, some charm,
That left me dazed and wondering,
at the sight that lay ahead,
Left me somewhat puzzling
the things that time had said.

And looking 'bout the tiny room,
the theater, stage room floor,
I saw my puppets rising up
on their own unlike before.
They were moving unattended.
Their strings were held by someone
or something unseen by me,
Who didn't have to pull them
the puppets seemed to see,
As they played flute and drummer
and moved about the stage
Doing all the actions
of the dreamer and the age.
Following the measures
of a vision held within,
That at last had come to tell them
of their selves, their songs therein.

And playing their own music,
dancing their own step,
They filled me with a wonder,
enchanted me and yet -
The Puppeteer had fallen,
had lost his place in time.
Replaced by something breathing,
the living and their rhyme.

They were thinking, feeling
living entities, these folks
Turning in eternity
their sea, the words they spoke.
And they were they and I was I,
a puppeteer no more
Nothing like the prophet, prince,
that I had been before.
Perhaps self righteous, sometimes fool,
maybe one more than the other
An overseeing, puppet being,
wooden, plastered mother.

Enchantment came, a joy, a peace,
a beautiful new scene,
That had taken away sorrow
and made the real a dream.
And then all too soon it ended.
I awoke and looked once more,
Upon the marionettes, those tiny babes
asleep on the stage floor.

Indeed, they had revolted
either then or sometime when
But I can't ponder over it
I am what I have been
A Puppeteer, A Puppeteer,
to control their land.
To control their lives and paths
with but my touch, my hand.


~ Linda A. Copp