This is getting old. Last weekend I left my phone charger in Tonopah. A replacement is on the way. Now the phone. The worst part is that I tired, I really tried to pack right. I'm experimenting with a smaller bag and everything counts. I checked and rechecked. Two of this, one of that and not much of anything. Then I leave the damn phone.
~Contest with the Gods~
Right after the plane took off and we got the business of oxygen masks and flotations devices out of the way, one of the flight attendants rushed me a cup of coffee before anyone else got served. Perhaps you are thinking, "God! Was she that distraught"? I tell you. No. I trust M. Lee. The phone and charger will come. So why did I get two cups of coffee? Simple. The gods are toying with me. And why? Because I brought the white jacket.
This jacket has hung in my closet since I got it, two years ago. I've never worn it. I've been afraid. On me, white attracts disaster at every turn. I think about wearing white and tomato sauce foments in the can. My own pen turns on me like an inksaber possessed. Coffee refuses to stay in the cup.
As it did on the plane.
That first cup of coffee, compliments of the gods? It tipped over and spilled toward the pristine white jacket cradled safely, I thought, on my lap. It missed by half a centimeter. And when my daughter picked me up at the airport carrying her barista special? Unlikely globs of coffee sloshed at me through the lid. The score? So far? So good. It's on, bitches.
7 comments:
You're obviously on a roll with the cosmos. Go out for Italian. Next--Chinese, with extra plum sauce.
ha! I have a light grey rain jacket that I wear biking in the winter it has pen marks and coffee stains but I always think if the bus driver can see me because I'm not wearing black the embarrassment is worth it!
Either that or when the bus hits me the blood will be really noticeable someone will call 911 right away and those seconds will matter.
Wear your stains with honour they are like badges of your imperfection. Plus let's be honest your messing with sneaky bitches they'll get ya eventually;)
"We've always been half-mad, and our writing a struggle to give voice to our brokenness. This is why we hearken to futility, failure and despair. We're a one-person mental institution, and our posts are letters sent to a sane aunt who can make nothing of them." - Unremitting Failure
Roy, Yes! Italian, extra olive oil and sauce. Chinese with plenty of mustard and drippy stuff. Yum.
Kimberlee, I'm sure you're right. They will wait me out, catch me with my guard down but I will put up the good fight.
Mr. Donut, Fuck! I can't tell you how jealous I am that I did not write those lines. I'm going to go drown my pain with a big frothy glass of tomato juice.
"Mr. Donut, Fuck! I can't tell you how jealous I am that I did not write those lines. I'm going to go drown my pain with a big frothy glass of tomato juice."
Ooh ooh don't forget to put the white jacket on!
I got in trouble with SWA yesterday, flying from Austin to Phoenix. I forgot you're not supposed to stand near the cockpit, waiting for the W.C. to open up. After telling me, the flight attendant reminded everyone, so they would know I was bad.
I got in trouble again, flying from Phoenix to Sacramento, by playing with my camera right after they told us to turn off all electronic devices.
The airplane gods, however, in their limitless caprice, took it out on a PHX->SMF flight today by ripping the roof off a Boeing 737, very possibly the same one I rode in yesterday. They missed me, and they meant to. They are storing up something special.
I used to have a white "waiter's jacket" from back when Banana Republic had a catalog worth looking through. I wish I still had it, but I don't.
OK, lights out soon at this one-person mental institution.
What would Amy Vanderbilt say about all of this wearing of the white before Memorial Day. Good God.
It was so good to see you for such a short time even though you duped be into an early morning drive on the only day of the week I can really sleep in.
Is Mr. Donut real?
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