21/06/2006

Longest day, shortest night


We got to the mountains before sunrise, which basically coincided with the exact moments of the solstice, and found a good place to set up. It was a great morning. We chanted, consulted the oracles, read poetry and feasted. We stayed almost 3 hours then went to a coffee shop to discuss and read more poetry and settle on an new project. Excellent morning.





















I recently learned that Tony Seldin the Vagabond Poet died so we included a remembrance of him this morning as well. I met Tony at a poetry reading in Ashland Oregon several years ago and, naturally, we became one of the friendly houses along his road. Tony was unique, a true underground legend, a poet hitchhiking with a bust of Einstein and about a ton and a half of poetry books, scrapbooks and tattered posters from Haight Ashbury's glory days. Mr. Lee found the article. We've both been wondering why he hadn't showed up here since we moved to Nevada. Now we know. Ramble in peace, Tony.






Door near the coffee shop.














What a day. The PETA chicken was in Carson City today to picket the KFC and got friendly waves from some, criticism from others. The usual. KFC must be the 13th hell in hell's underside. Even the Dali Lama has petitioned KFC to stop their gratituous cruelty with no success. If you have a heart, don't eat there.



I'm going in for knee surgery in the morning, torn minescus and possible ACL replacement. It's the knee I injured skiing this spring. Not much warning, it got scheduled on Monday, but sooner the better so it's a another early morning so g'night.













20/06/2006

Summer Solstice


The summer solstice is tomorrow at 05:26 PST and a friend is coming over at 4:30 in the morning so we can get out to the mountains in time to do a little improvised solstice celebration as the sun rises. Right now, I'm making a list of things I want to bring.

So far I've got:
1) poetry
2) I Ching
3) Runes
4) 2 new red candles
5) a gift
6) kartals
7) something to sit on

I'll post more about it later but right now, gotta go. I have a hundred things to do today.











Crow's lunch - Adventures in the Bird Park



Another day, another treat, another 30 seconds and there she was. Didn't see the binocs though. She must leave them in her perch.









19/06/2006

The change game


There's an excellent article at DailyKos today by Steve G. that digs below the surface differences between our political left and right and helps clarify why it's so impossible to penetrate conservative blockhead stupidity. As Lakoff pointed out in "Don't Think of an Elephant", we use very different criteria to select "facts" from the overwhelming, chaotic sensory overload (life) surrounding us.

In case you don't bother to read it, here's an excerpt that pretty much sums up the basic idea:
"Conservatives Look at "Who" and Liberals Look at "What"
Indeed, the terms conservatives and liberals are the wrong terms to use here. They indicate political left and right, but that's not what is at issue here. What we are really talking about here is authoritarianism vs. anti-authoritarianism.









18/06/2006

Crashing the Gate





Karl Rove takes this book seriously. He read and studied it because he is determined to crush the progressive net roots, grassroots rise of people powered politics. Crashing the Gate is written by Markos Moulitsas who started DailyKos and Jerome Armstrong, founder of MyDD.com. I ordered today. If they have a plan, I want to read it.






Even though they are corrupt, ridged and inept to the core, the one thing these bastards do well is manipulate public opinion. And, as back-up, they control the voting machines so no matter how very wrong they are, it's going to take a huge, collective effort to kick these losers to the curb.











Bean Paste Party




It's still early, my favorite part of the day. It's not hot yet so, although the blinds are closed to keep the light out, the doors and windows are still open to let the morning's still cool air circulate through the house. As it gets hotter, we'll close everything up. This knocks at least 10 degrees off the temperature. We don't like air-conditioning so, although I miss the radiant desert light, the cave-like afternoon has a comfort of its own.

I'm throwing a Red Bean Paste Party in the Bird Park today. Whenever we go to Vegas we stock up on vegetarian delights in Chinatown. Among other delectables, such as soya "duck" for which Mr. Lee has a hound-like craving, we get red bean paste steam buns. The problem is that we both prefer grabbing something quick and grazing over our keyboards so even the task of steaming a pastry first is often just too much, especially for me given that I get very nervous trying to time the bun so it gets steamed just right. As a result, these frozen treasures sometimes end up freezer burned before we get around to them.

But the Bean Paste Party is a great success. The first blobs disappeared instantly. I didn't even see who got 'em so I put out a bit more but not too much, I hope. I don't want some sugar drunk crow cackling from the top of the street light all afternoon waiting around for more. I'll save the rest for the afternoon. There's a little black bird who's been dropping by at twilight looking for a bedtime snack. Red bean paste will blow his birdy mind.







17/06/2006

Saturday Matinee - double header









Today, you're in luck.
It's a double header and
a newreel. I suppose to
make it a proper matinee
I should also have a cartoon
so, if I remember, I'll have
one for next time.


Newsreel
RENO NEVADA, June 17
There's more going on in Reno's downtown casino district that you might expect such as this event that occurred this afternoon along the banks of the Truckee River as it meanders through the middle of the biggest little city in the world.





Now on to the first of today's double feature:
Charlie Murphy's True Hollywood Stories (Dave Chapelle Show)






The second video is at Google. I know that extra click is a lot of work,
and it's a piece by Billy Collins,
but chances are you will find it was well worth your time and effort.



Forgetfulness










15/06/2006

Out again




So my friend called today and gave me results of the Nevada Arts Council Artist's Fellowship Awards JUDGMENT DAY. It's a public event and she attended because she also entered work in the contest. This is Breaking News as otherwise, I have to wait for the council to get around to mailing me the judges written critique.

This year I made it to the second round. That's a step up from last year when I didn't even make it past the first cut. Different judges, different results. If you're one of the two or three regular readers around here, you may remember me ranting about last year's bimbo poser judge who hated my work. She found some of the images "captivating", but otherwise complained that my poems left her "confused and disoriented." Wah-fucking-wah. At least she got that far.

This year and last the judges referred to me a "mystic-poet", "in the French surrealist tradition", and that my poetry is "mysterious" and reminiscent at times of "William Blake, and at other times of T.S. Eliot." Unfortunately, that's not good enough to win their damn five thousand dollars. Oh well . . . and shit!






13/06/2006

Rove's deal



In case you're throughly disheartened by the news that Karl Rove won't be indicted for crimes related to his role in the leak of covert CIA operative Valerie Plame Wilson, here's a bit of information to brighten the day. It's from Firedoglake:

"Anne at 44 (and Jeralyn) are right I think: The language used by Luskin strongly suggests that Rove got immunity in exchange for his cooperation (it is probably the same deal I have been suggesting was offered to Novak way back when.) Otherwise he never would have testified in the Grand Jury to begin with.

“Does not anticipate seeking charges” means that if Rove testifies at Libby’s trial as expected, and as his agreement no doubt provides for him to testify, (lawyers call it providing “ongoing cooperation”), then all will be well for him. But if he “goes sideways” on Fitz and testifies differently from what is now expected, he could be charged–w/perjury certainly, and his deal to avoid criminal liability in the larger conspiracy could be “off” as he could face charges in that as well.

All told, a very standard deal and not unexpected. The more interesting issue and the reason for optimism now is that he couldn’t have gotten such a deal without having something important to offer Fitz. The “no prosecution” letter pretty much guarantees that he that he made a good deal. Either he offered up Cheney himself, or he offered up Libby to guarantee a conviction so Fitz can roll up Libby to Cheney. Either way, for me, I see Cheney going down and that’s something I can live with!"








Bird Park bird watcher





There's one crow around here who watches the Bird Park through binoculars and when she sees me put out an especially tasty treat she's on it in a minute. Yesterday it was a big blog of Marvel Meal and sure enough, as soon as I went back inside, she swooped down and started drilling. Say what you will about "bird brains", crows are smart enough to be greedy so after a couple of bites she decided the busy Bird Park was not a good place to dine and flew off with the whole chunk in her beak.






07/06/2006

Bush's words




I've posted this link before but with the election heating up seems like a good time to review some of things Bush has said...











05/06/2006

Delicate One





My beautiful, delicate daughter, my Krsangi ... with whom I rode a giant wave in from the solitary sea of her pre-dawn February morning birth painlessly, who as a baby chirped like a bird and later declared she was a faerie, and later gave us three giant hissing cockroaches as a house warming gift, and just yesterday threw herself on top of a raging pit bull attacking Edison, the heart breakingly sweet golden retriever, ... is marrying Clark, the best of men; intelligent, good looking, humble, nice and kind! I couldn't be happier.





















03/06/2006

SATURDAY MATINEE: Black Books - Bernard's Letter



I don't intend to make the Saturday Matinee a regular event but Mr. Lee, my secret source, just emailed me this clip which just happens to fit into the general theme around here and today just happens to be Saturday so put your feet up and enjoy this gripping episode in the life of a brilliant writer...










28/05/2006

Ashabot weekend report




I got a confirmation number from the Nevada Arts Council the other day so the packet of poems I sent them passed inspection and will be considered for their yearly Artist's Fellowship Grant. Naturally, they will be rejected. That's understood. I'm not bracing myself for disappointment. Well maybe I am a little bit, but it's simply a fact. I don't write the kind of cozy, narrative poetry that is so popular these days. A friend and I submitted work just to keep our hands in the process. Don't worry. I will post the judge's comments, just as I did last year. They were completely negative but entertaining.



We woke up to snow on Saturday. It looked like someone sprayed crumbly white foam on everything but by mid-morning it melted away and I finally got all the plants planted. Because of the cold, the birds in the Bird Park got a big chunk of vegeterian suet (Marvel Meal) and lots of old cereal, peanuts, and endless sunflower seeds. Also, I caught 2 more mice in the humane trap and drove them out to the river to join their relatives, the teaming hoard of other Lelands. I'm approaching the final third of Cryptonomicon and dread the day when I reach the inevitable 918th page and be booted back out into mundane reality. Nothing like a good book, especially after just reading a really shitty one.

And finally, I still haven't finished the epilogue to the Cockroach Diary. I suspect I'm dragging my heels because I don't want to end it but it has. I've got to sort through photos, pick a video or two and polish up the short piece of music I wrote after Delicata died. It will all get done eventually. They lived in a small world with its own time and order so no need to impose a deadline now.




27/05/2006

Saturday matinee, weekend picks



It's Saturday so kick back at the matinee...



The Hardest Part
Cheezy daytime TV throws down the gauntlet. Time to butch up.


Lookwell!
Early 90's show created by Robert Smigel and Conan. Hilarious.






Bush impeachment


"Ask not what your President can do for you, because he's clearly not about to do jack. Ask what you can do to send him back to Crawford to await criminal prosecution. All the resources you need to get involved are here: After Downing Street"
~ opednews.com









26/05/2006

Hobo holiday



I found this on a site by and for hobos
and thought it was kind of interesting.

HOBO ROAD SIGNS











24/05/2006

FBI raid on lawmaker



Certainly Democrats deserve criticism for not standing up to Bush's extremism. They have proven themselves spineless whimps but if they are guilty of being door mats then the Republicans are one giant red carpet that has paved the way for this Administration's contemptible agenda and high crimes. It's pathetic only now that the FBI raided a fellow politicians's office that they are suddenly "outraged" and speaking against Bush's gestapo tactics. Apparently we learned nothing from the Germans and their Hitler.


"In Germany they first came for the Communists and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me--and by that time no one was left to speak up."
-- Reverend Martin Niemoller, Germany 1945







Rove indictment update, Truthout



This fine image created by: Stephen Pitt of Light to Dark


I am a political junky. Can't help it. It's due to my gallows personality, I suppose. I'm fascinated by the fray. Anyway, I'm dashing off to Reno in 5 minutes but just wanted to pass along this Rove update from truthout in case you haven't read it.

According to them, the reason Rove has not yet been indicted in the Valerie Plame case may be because he is turning state's witness against Cheney. We can only hope. And Fitzpatrick may ultimately get Bush. My god, could justice and truth prevail? These rat bastards should all be in jail but instead they are running us headlong into war with Iran...and beyond.

Anyway, gotta go. Have a great day. Keep your fingers crossed.









23/05/2006

The Eternal Value of Privacy




Too many wrongly characterize the debate as "security versus privacy." The real choice is liberty versus control. Tyranny, whether it arises under threat of foreign physical attack or under constant domestic authoritative scrutiny, is still tyranny. Liberty requires security without intrusion, security plus privacy. Widespread police surveillance is the very definition of a police state. And that's why we should champion privacy even when we have nothing to hide.


My thoughts exactly and as I'm very busy with Spring at the moment this will have to do for my current rant. The volunteer sunflowers are up and vying for prominence in their oh so tiny garden and need my help as they can't walk to a less crowded spot by themselves. The crows are standing on the fence demanding more (terrible but don't tell them) organic blueberry waffles. They soak them in water first, something I didn't think of. Healthy food. Ya gotta know how to eat it. Then there's a little lopsided tree still waiting for me to find a place for it to live out its life in peace and enough sunshine. Plus, I have to finish Delicata's memorial including the Coda for Three Cockroaches and that's just the fun stuff. The world is demanding things of me as well but it all has to wait in line with everything while I finish this blog post, doesn't it? Anyway, speak up. Rail against the machine. As always, silence is death.

Sir! No sir!


And, if you want to lighten up and are up for a little slight of eye, check out John Sadowski's latest illusion. Very cool.


UPDATE: Okay, So I'm ADHD-PI but here's another exciting little adventure from the Bird Park, as it happens. I call it Waffle and the Crow. Now, I've really got to get busy.





20/05/2006

La morte di La Delicata


I've tarried writing about this for the last few days but here it is in part, the real news, the end of the story of the life and times of three giant, hissing Madagascan cockroaches living in an oasis in the Nevada desert.

La Delicata, the last of the three, has pass away. She lived a good long time for a cockroach and had a peaceful death, a blessing for anyone in these mad times. There's more, and more to come, in the Cockroach Diary but this enough for tonight.




World Trade Center, the movie




Oliver Stone has put his name to a new Hollywood movie called World Trade Center but Stone is nothing. It's Paramount's movie and obviously propaganda designed to pump up public sentiment and fear. Clearly, its release is timed to benefit conservatives using terror as political currency. It plays right into our glorified self-centeredness and feeds our national excuse justifying the immoral war we are inflicting on millions of innocents. It's sickening! Instead of indulging ourselves further, isn't it time we look beyond our cozy kitchens and face the sadly overlooked story of the Iraqi people's "courage and survival" during their extended time "shock and awe and incredible suffering"?






18/05/2006

Ben Metcalf, On Simple Human Decency

Excerpt from Ben Metcalf's article in Harper's Magazine, "On Simple Human Decency".

"Ever wonder if you're allowed to write, 'I would like to hunt down George W. Bush, the president of the United States, and kill him with my bare hands'?"

If you want to know the answer here's a link to the PDF of the article from the June 2006 issue of Harper's Magazine." It's a must read. 

photo credit: Sir! No Sir




16/05/2006

Questioning the SILENCE




Ben Metcalf, the Literary Editor for Harper’s Magazine, wrote a wonderful, brave article for their June issue. Do yourself a favor and read it. It's on page 9. But in case you don't get around to it, I have included a couple of paragraphs from it below. Metcalf asks a question that I'm sure has crossed the minds of more than a few decent, rational, upstanding citizens in the last few years, at least it has crossed mine.

Excerpt from "On Simple Human Decency"
- by Ben Metcalf - Harper's Magazine, June 2006

"I am therefore led to wonder what the common citizen is allowed to "say" anymore, in print or otherwise, and still feel reasonably sure that some indignant team of G-men, or else a pair of gung-ho local screws, will not drag him away to a detention center, there to act out, with the detainee as a prop, that familiar scene in which one hero cop or another is patriotically unable to resist certain outbursts against the detainee and what were once imagined to be the detainee's constitutional rights. Because I am loath to violate whatever fresh new mores the people have agreed upon, or have been told they agree upon, and because I do not care to have my ass kicked repeatedly in a holding cell while I beg to see a lawyer, I almost hesitate to ask the following question. I will ask it, though, out of what used to be called simple
human decency:

Am I allowed to write that I would like to hunt down George W. Bush, the president of the United States, and kill him with my bare hands?"




Given the mess Bush has gotten us into, I'd say Metcalf's question is a reasonable one. Not only is Bush an idiot, he is a corporate shill who has pimped the White House out to his shady, corporate cronies. And besides being stupid and pathologically unethical, Bush is also dangerously insane. He consults religious fundamentalists to make sure his foreign policy suits their wet dream vision of the Apocalypse. He is also personally responsible for the deaths of hundreds of thousands of innocent men, women, children, animals and our own, beautiful, young American soldiers who he sent to death based on his lies that he covered up by an act of treason, a crime punishable by death in a time of war. Then there's the illegal spying on Americans, the systematic shredding of our Constitution, the corporate rape of environment, the dismantling of our already inadequate health care, what to speak of his current, mad plan to embroil us in yet another war, this time with Iran etc, etc...oh god, the list does go on.

I am grateful there are at least a few brave writers left in the mainstream media who are willing to challenge the suffocating silence that blankets us today but I'm not going to be a spoiler. You'll have to read the article to find out whether or not it's okay to write:

I would like to hunt down George W. Bush, the president of the United States, and kill him with my bare hands.











14/05/2006

Rove indicted






Supposedly on Friday Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald gave Karl Rove's lawyers an indictment for the squishy bastard charging Bush's Brain with perjury and lying to investigators about his role in the outing of CIA undercover agent Valerie Plame. I sure hope it's true. You can read the complete story yourself at several places including Truth Out and Oped News.

Apparently, Turd Blossom has 24 hours to get his affairs in order. That would make today THE DAY. Please oh please oh. Perhaps Dirty Dick is next? Seems that Fitzgerald has some incriminating notes on the subject penned by the Dickster himself. I can only hope that Sneaky George gets outed as well. They are all treasonist bastards.


Alternate realities: Al Gore on Saturday Night Live







13/05/2006

Mother's day video card


A couple of days ago Mr. Lee sent me this little movie about brothers making a m's day photo. You may have seen it but I pass along here anyway in case you are still looking for that special something.

So...Happy Mother's Day whatever you are.





11/05/2006

Peeping Tom








In case you're wondering, I did finish reading Tom Wolfe's latest book, "I am Charlotte Simmons". It stinks. He should have called it, "I am Peeping Tom Wolfe". It's a wank from start to finish.

On his website, this novel is described as a "much-anticipated triumph by America's master chronicler immortalizing the sex-crazed, jock-obsessed college life of the '00s". Hardly. If you ask me, this book chronicles a senior citizen's creepy obsession with the sex lives of young people. At the end, Wolfe has a dumpy, tenured relic of a professor force a moral reckoning upon the characters but it's a weak attempt to give the novel a point. The "Man in White" is lost in the revels of self-indulgence. It's kind of sad but fascinating in a train wreck kind of way. As an aside I found it interesting that Wolfe and Bush are great fans of one another. Figures. They'd make quite a duo at a karaoke night club.

Excerpt from page 270:
" The machine, called a StairMaster, allowed you to run — if you could really call it running — without taking your feet off a pair of huge pedals. It was a bit like standing up and "pumping" on a bicycle. There were many girls...Some wore plain, sexless gym clothes, T-shirts, sweatshirts, running shorts, and sneakers. More, however, came dressed as...girls. Super-low-cut sweatpants they had! And short T-shirts! And lots of nubile young flesh and belly buttons in between! From the back...was he seeing a little buttocks décolletage, a little cleavage...Right in front of Adam, a girl with long blond hair pumped away on the StairMaster in low-waisted lavender nylon running shorts and an abbreviated, royal blue basketball jersey. She didn't have large breasts, but with each rotation her nipples pressed out against the thin nylon of the halter, and her belly button winked this way and that in the long expanse of bare flesh. Four machines down the row, a girl wore black tights, which gripped every curve and crevice of her loins like a second skin, and a flesh-colored athletic bra. The tops of her breasts bobbed up and down like flan. You have to look twice to make sure she had on any bra at all. The sight aroused Adam. His own loins were on the qui vive, as if something were about to...happen in this so-called fitness center...The push of a button, the flick of a switch...and they would stop pretending anymore and plunge into a full-blown rout, an out-and-out orgy, and rutrutrutrutrut..."
Obviously, it's ol' Tom who's rutrutrutrutruting.





08/05/2006

Tombstone Stories, Reno



I've taken a lot of photos of graves in the Nevada outback. They are scattered throughout my Nevada Journal along with other quirky pictures from the region. The graves in the desert are generally from the 1800's and have mellowed into colorful, anonymous history. The wind and grinding sand have rubbed names away but not the sense of a journey with high hopes and strong bonds.

This memento beside Interstate 395 near Reno's Hilton Casino marks a different end along the road that came later, after the pioneers and explorers carved a path through the west and vanished along it. These stones mark the end of a hopeless journey that, as the story goes, no one took to nowhere.



07/05/2006

SF short



The Cobert thing interrupted the regular ebb and flow of things around here so it's merely coincidence that I'm posting the link to another video at this point. This is a short one called "They are made out of meat". It's based on a story by Hugo Award winning SF author Terry Bisson. I find it wonderfully quirky. Perhaps you might enjoy it as well.


Bush's reaction to Colbert roast



Bush during the ass kicking Colbert gave him at the Correspondents Dinner via IFLIM. Now, until these current updated links are pulled like the others have been, this about covers it.


RE-UPDATE:
The Google links are not accessible half the time but these links have been good from the start:
Colbert video part 1Colbert video part 2




03/05/2006

Thanks Colbert

RE-RE-RE-RE-RE UPDATE ... keeping up with the Colbert video is a task. The links keep getting removed but for the moment you can see them here:

Google Video post

The Google links is not accessible half the time but these links have been good from the start:
Colbert video part 1
Colbert video part 2



Was Stephen Colbert's Cspan monologue merely edgy dinner theatre or is our collective voice finally beginning to break free of the spell cast by the retrogressives? To the extent that the answer is up to us, like Colbert on Saturday night, we've got to kick so-called "political correctness" to the curb. It's cowardliness masquerading virtue. Still, always good to give credit where credit is due. Colbert broke the Perfect Silence at the White House Media Whores Dinner. Here's a place you can thank him.





02/05/2006

Right-wing conspirators




First in a series. Meet the conspirators who are manipulating America, dismantling our Constitution, Bill of Rights and working, step by baby step, to replace our Democracy with extremist, fundamentalist religious rule.

Howard F. Ahmanson Jr is a multimillionaire who, among other things, owns the company that produces and oversees the Diebold electronic voting machines. Where campaigns fall short, it's Diebold to the rescue. These machines are designed so that they don't produce a back up paper trail that would verify voting results. These machines are easily adjusted to show whatever outcome the Conspiracy wants. Naturally Bush allows Diebold to police themselves. Cosy little arrangement. The Orange County Register reported in 2004, he "no longer consider[s] [it] essential" to stone people who are deemed to have committed certain immoral acts." On the other hand, Ahmanson also told the Register, "It would still be a little hard to say that if one stumbled on a country that was doing that, that it is inherently immoral, to stone people for these things. But I don't think it's at all a necessity."

This is yet one more reason why I am so disgusted by religion.





30/04/2006

Colbert at Correspondence Dinner video

RE-RE-RE-RE UPDATE: The Colbert links keep getting removed but for the moment you can see them here in all their scathing glory.

Entire Dinner video.google

Colbert alone video.google

Google gets overloaded but these links have been good from the start:

Colbert 1
Colbert 2


It's so satisfying knowing that the cowardly King George and his court had to just sit there and sweat it out in front of the cameras while Colbert repeatedly kicked them in the bush.

(NOTE: Full transcript here)





Stephen Colbert at White House Correspondents dinner

Amuse yourself with the truth.


Stephen Colbert (Truthy Man!) gutted everybody last night at the White House Correspondent Dinner Saturday. George and Laura were not amused. I love this guy. It was more than a blood letting. He wielded language with the same deadly precision that a master samurai wields a sword, going right to the gut and heart. Bush & Co. including their Dick-whipped military "professionals", so used to being protected by the media whores, were stunned. Colbert got around to 'em all.

RE-RE-RE-RE-RE UPDATE
... sorry for the confusion. The Colbert links keep getting removed but for the moment you can see them here:

Entire Correspondence Dinner video.google

Colbert segment video.google

The Google links are not accessible half the time but these links have been good from the start:

Colbert video part 1Colbert video part 2

ANOTHER BLOODY UPDATE:
None of these links are good anymore but the complete transcript is included below:


TRANSCRIPT:

Here's the complete transcript. I got it from Fredrick at Daily Kos. It's well worth a read. Also, here's a link to the video from Cspan. It includes a little film he made (delightful cameo by Helen Thomas) in case the White House wanted to interview him for the position of Press Secretary. They didn't.

STEPHEN COLBERT: Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Before I begin, I've been asked to make an announcement. Whoever parked 14 black bulletproof S.U.V.'s out front, could you please move them? They are blocking in 14 other black bulletproof S.U.V.'s and they need to get out.

Wow. Wow, what an honor. The White House correspondents' dinner. To actually sit here, at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush, to be this close to the man. I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You know what? I'm a pretty sound sleeper -- that may not be enough. Somebody shoot me in the face. Is he really not here tonight? Dammit. The one guy who could have helped.

By the way, before I get started, if anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Somebody from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail. Mark Smith, ladies and gentlemen of the press corps, Madame First Lady, Mr. President, my name is Stephen Colbert and tonight it's my privilege to celebrate this president. We're not so different, he and I. We get it. We're not brainiacs on the nerd patrol. We're not members of the factinista. We go straight from the gut, right sir? That's where the truth lies, right down here in the gut. Do you know you have more nerve endings in your gut than you have in your head? You can look it up. I know some of you are going to say "I did look it up, and that's not true." That's 'cause you looked it up in a book.

Next time, look it up in your gut. I did. My gut tells me that's how our nervous system works. Every night on my show, the Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, OK? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it the "No Fact Zone." Fox News, I hold a copyright on that term.

I'm a simple man with a simple mind. I hold a simple set of beliefs that I live by. Number one, I believe in America. I believe it exists. My gut tells me I live there. I feel that it extends from the Atlantic to the Pacific, and I strongly believe it has 50 states. And I cannot wait to see how the Washington Post spins that one tomorrow. I believe in democracy. I believe democracy is our greatest export. At least until China figures out a way to stamp it out of plastic for three cents a unit.

In fact, Ambassador Zhou Wenzhong, welcome. Your great country makes our Happy Meals possible. I said it's a celebration. I believe the government that governs best is the government that governs least. And by these standards, we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.

I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible -- I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical. And though I am a committed Christian, I believe that everyone has the right to their own religion, be you Hindu, Jewish or Muslim. I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior.

Ladies and gentlemen, I believe it's yogurt. But I refuse to believe it's not butter. Most of all, I believe in this president.

Now, I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in "reality." And reality has a well-known liberal bias.

So, Mr. President, please, pay no attention to the people that say the glass is half full. 32% means the glass -- it's important to set up your jokes properly, sir. Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash. Okay, look, folks, my point is that I don't believe this is a low point in this presidency. I believe it is just a lull before a comeback.

I mean, it's like the movie "Rocky." All right. The president in this case is Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed is -- everything else in the world. It's the tenth round. He's bloodied. His corner man, Mick, who in this case I guess would be the vice president, he's yelling, "Cut me, Dick, cut me!," and every time he falls everyone says, "Stay down! Stay down!" Does he stay down? No. Like Rocky, he gets back up, and in the end he -- actually, he loses in the first movie.

OK. Doesn't matter. The point is it is the heart-warming story of a man who was repeatedly punched in the face. So don't pay attention to the approval ratings that say 68% of Americans disapprove of the job this man is doing. I ask you this, does that not also logically mean that 68% approve of the job he's not doing? Think about it. I haven't.

I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound -- with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world.

Now, there may be an energy crisis. This president has a very forward-thinking energy policy. Why do you think he's down on the ranch cutting that brush all the time? He's trying to create an alternative energy source. By 2008 we will have a mesquite-powered car!

And I just like the guy. He's a good joe. Obviously loves his wife, calls her his better half. And polls show America agrees. She's a true lady and a wonderful woman. But I just have one beef, ma'am.

I'm sorry, but this reading initiative. I'm sorry, I've never been a fan of books. I don't trust them. They're all fact, no heart. I mean, they're elitist, telling us what is or isn't true, or what did or didn't happen. Who's Britannica to tell me the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American! I'm with the president, let history decide what did or did not happen.

The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change; this man's beliefs never will. As excited as I am to be here with the president, I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America, with the exception of Fox News. Fox News gives you both sides of every story: the president's side, and the vice president's side.

But the rest of you, what are you thinking, reporting on NSA wiretapping or secret prisons in eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason: they're super-depressing. And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished. Over the last five years you people were so good -- over tax cuts, WMD intelligence, the effect of global warming. We Americans didn't want to know, and you had the courtesy not to try to find out. Those were good times, as far as we knew.

But, listen, let's review the rules. Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Just put 'em through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know - fiction!

Because really, what incentive do these people have to answer your questions, after all? I mean, nothing satisfies you. Everybody asks for personnel changes. So the White House has personnel changes. Then you write, "Oh, they're just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic." First of all, that is a terrible metaphor. This administration is not sinking. This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg!

Now, it's not all bad guys out there. Some are heroes: Christopher Buckley, Jeff Sacks, Ken Burns, Bob Schieffer. They've all been on my show. By the way, Mr. President, thank you for agreeing to be on my show. I was just as shocked as everyone here is, I promise you. How's Tuesday for you? I've got Frank Rich, but we can bump him. And I mean bump him. I know a guy. Say the word.

See who we've got here tonight. General Moseley, Air Force Chief of Staff. General Peter Pace, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. They still support Rumsfeld. Right, you guys aren't retired yet, right? Right, they still support Rumsfeld.

Look, by the way, I've got a theory about how to handle these retired generals causing all this trouble: don't let them retire! Come on, we've got a stop-loss program; let's use it on these guys. I've seen Zinni and that crowd on Wolf Blitzer. If you're strong enough to go on one of those pundit shows, you can stand on a bank of computers and order men into battle. Come on.

Jesse Jackson is here, the Reverend. Haven't heard from the Reverend in a little while. I had him on the show. Very interesting and challenging interview. You can ask him anything, but he's going to say what he wants, at the pace that he wants. It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.

Justice Scalia is here. Welcome, sir. May I be the first to say, you look fantastic. How are you? [After each sentence, Colbert makes a hand gesture, an allusion to Scalia's recent use of an obscene Sicilian hand gesture in speaking to a reporter about Scalia's critics. Scalia is seen laughing hysterically.] Just talking some Sicilian with my paisan.

John McCain is here. John McCain, John McCain, what a maverick! Somebody find out what fork he used on his salad, because I guarantee you it wasn't a salad fork. This guy could have used a spoon! There's no predicting him. By the way, Senator McCain, it's so wonderful to see you coming back into the Republican fold. I have a summer house in South Carolina; look me up when you go to speak at Bob Jones University. So glad you've seen the light, sir.

Mayor Nagin! Mayor Nagin is here from New Orleans, the chocolate city! Yeah, give it up. Mayor Nagin, I'd like to welcome you to Washington, D.C., the chocolate city with a marshmallow center. And a graham cracker crust of corruption. It's a Mallomar, I guess is what I'm describing, a seasonal cookie.

Joe Wilson is here, Joe Wilson right down here in front, the most famous husband since Desi Arnaz. And of course he brought along his lovely wife Valerie Plame. Oh, my god! Oh, what have I said? [looks horrified] I am sorry, Mr. President, I meant to say he brought along his lovely wife Joe Wilson's wife. Patrick Fitzgerald is not here tonight? OK. Dodged a bullet.

And, of course, we can't forget the man of the hour, new press secretary, Tony Snow. Secret Service name, "Snow Job." Toughest job. What a hero! Took the second toughest job in government, next to, of course, the ambassador to Iraq.

Got some big shoes to fill, Tony. Big shoes to fill. Scott McClellan could say nothing like nobody else. McClellan, of course, eager to retire. Really felt like he needed to spend more time with Andrew Card's children. Mr. President, I wish you hadn't made the decision so quickly, sir.

I was vying for the job myself. I think I would have made a fabulous press secretary. I have nothing but contempt for these people. I know how to handle these clowns. In fact, sir, I brought along an audition tape and with your indulgence, I'd like to at least give it a shot. So, ladies and gentlemen, my press conference.

VIDEO

STEPHEN COLBERT: Helen Thomas, ladies and gentlemen. Mr. Smith, members of the White House Correspondents Association, Madame First Lady, Mr. President, it's been a true honor. Thank you very much. Good night!

TRANSCRIPT OF "AUDITION TAPE"

Colbert shows a video of a mock press conference. It opens with him at a podium, addressing the assembled Washington press corps.

COLBERT: I have a brief statement: the press is destroying America. OK, let's see who we've got here today.

COLBERT (acknowledging various reporters): Stretch! (David Gregory nods)

Sir Nerdlington! (reporter nods)

Sloppy Joe! (reporter nods)

Terry Lemon Moran Pie! (Terry Moran nods)

Oh, Doubting Thomas, always a pleasure. (Helen Thomas smiles)

And Suzanne Mal -- hello!!

(Suzanne Malveaux stares at Colbert, looking unhappy. Colbert mimics putting a phone to his ear and mouths "call me.")

REPORTER: Will the Vice President be available soon to answer all questions himself?

COLBERT: I've already addressed that question. You (pointing to another reporter).

REPORTER: Walter Cronkite, the noted CBS anchor, . . .

COLBERT (interrupting): Ah, no, he's the former CBS anchor. Katie Couric is the new anchor of the CBS Evening News. Well, well, how do you guys feel about that?

You, tousle-haired guy in the back. Are you happy about Katie Couric taking over the CBS Evening News?

DAN RATHER: No, sir, Mr. Colbert. Are you? (Laughter)

COLBERT: Boom! Oh, look, we woke David Gregory up. Question?

DAVID GREGORY: Did Karl Rove commit a crime?

COLBERT: I don't know. I'll ask him.

(Colbert turns to Rove) Karl, pay attention please! (Rove is seen drawing a heart with "Karl + Stephen" written on it.)

GREGORY: Do you stand by your statement from the fall of 2003 when you were asked specifically about Karl, and Elliott Abrams, and Scooter Libby, and you said "I've gone to each of those gentlemen, and they have told me that they are not involved in this." Do you stand by that statement?

COLBERT: Nah, I was just kidding!

GREGORY: No, you're not finishing. You're not saying anything! You stood at that podium and said . . .

COLBERT (interrupting): Ah, that's where you're wrong. New podium! Just had it delivered today. Get your facts straight, David.

GREGORY: This is ridiculous. The notion that you're going to stand before us after having commented with that level of detail and tell the people watching this that somehow you've decided not to talk. You've got to . . .

(Colbert is seen looking at three buttons on the podium, labeled "EJECT," "GANNON" and "VOLUME." He selects the "VOLUME" button and turns it. We see Gregory's lips continue moving, but can't hear any sound coming out.)

COLBERT: If I can't hear you, I can't answer your question. I'm sorry! I have to move on. Terry.

TERRY MORAN: After the investigation began, after the criminal investigation was underway, you said . . .

(Colbert presses a button on the podium and fast-forwards through most of Moran's question.)

MORAN (continuing): All of a sudden, you have respect for the sanctity of a criminal investigation?

COLBERT (seen playing with rubber ball, which he is bouncing off attached paddle): No, I never had any respect for the sanctity of a criminal investigation. Activist judges! Yes, Helen.

HELEN THOMAS: You're going to be sorry. (Laughter)

COLBERT (looking vastly amused, mockingly): What are you going to do, Helen, ask me for a recipe?

THOMAS: Your decision to invade Iraq has caused the deaths of thousands (Colbert's smile fades) of Americans and Iraqis, wounds of Americans and Iraqis for a lifetime.

COLBERT (interrupting): OK, hold on Helen, look . . .

THOMAS (continuing): Every reason given, publicly at least, has turned out not to be true. My question is why did you really want to go to war?

COLBERT (again interrupting): Helen, I'm going to stop you right there. (Thomas keeps talking.) That's enough! No! Sorry, Helen, I'm moving on. (Colbert tries to turn her volume off, but the knob falls off his controls.)

(Various reporters start shouting questions at Colbert.)

COLBERT (agitated): Guys, guys, please don't let Helen do this to what was a lovely day.

(Reporters keep shouting at him.)

COLBERT (putting his fingers over his ears and shouting in a high-pitched voice): Bllrrtt! No, no, no, no, no. I'm not listening to you!

Look what you did, Helen! I hate you!

(Helen Thomas glowers at Colbert.)

COLBERT (frantic): I'm out of here!

(Colbert pulls back the curtain behind him, desperately trying to flee. He says, "There is a wall here!" The press corps laughs. Colbert has difficulty finding a door from which to exit the room, echoing Bush's experience in China. He finally finds the door and hurries through it.)

COLBERT: It reeks in there! Ridiculous! I've never been so insulted in my life! Stupid job.

(Colbert continues walking away. We hear sinister-sounding music playing. We see Helen Thomas walking behind Colbert.)

(Colbert looks behind him, sees Thomas, and starts running.)

(Colbert trips over a roller skate, and yells "Condi!" We see a close-up of Helen Thomas' face, looking determined and angry. Colbert, increasingly panicked, gets up and continues running, running into a parking garage. He reaches an emergency call box, and yells into it.)

COLBERT: Oh, thank God. Help me!

ATTENDANT: What seems to be the problem, sir?

COLBERT: She won't stop asking why we invaded Iraq!

ATTENDANT: Hey, why did we invade Iraq?

COLBERT: NO!!! (runs toward his car)

(We see Helen Thomas, still walking toward him.)

(Colbert reaches his car, and fumblingly attempts to open it with his key. He is in such a desperate hurry that he fumbles with the keys and drops them. When he picks them up, he looks back and Helen is even closer. In his frantic rush, Colbert just can't get the keys into the lock.)

(Just as his anxiety is getting completely out of control he suddenly remembers that he has a keyless remote -- so he just pushes the button on the keychain and the car unlocks immediately with the usual double squeak noise. Colbert jumps in and locks the door, and continues to fumble trying to get the car started. He finally succeeds, and looks up to see Helen standing in front of the car, notepad in hand.)

COLBERT: NO!!! NO!!!

(Colbert puts the car into reverse and drives off, tires squealing. Thomas smiles.)

(Colbert is shown taking the shuttle from Washington, D.C. to New York. A car and driver are waiting for him at Penn Station. The uniformed man standing alongside the car opens the door and lets Colbert in.)

COLBERT: What a terrible trip, Danny. Take me home.

(The driver locks the doors, turns around, and says, "Buckle up, hon." IT'S HELEN THOMAS!!!)

COLBERT (horrified face pressed against car window): NO!!!






29/04/2006

7 o'clock magpie

WARNING: This video is hard core Bird Park. So far, none of my friends like it ... no action ... so ordinary ...etc. etc. They're right but I like it anyway. Just a note: I didn't dub the music in later. I just happened to be listening to LOW while recording this unevent. They go together very well so I think of it as a happy synchronicity.



A young magpie happened by the Bird Park one evening and found the French fries I'd put out at the end of the day. She was delighted. Now she often shows up at dusk hoping for more. This particular evening she and her friend were not disappointed.

One more note: In case you're wondering ... that golden pile is not all french fries, just the tiny pile in front. The stuff in the background is straw I put out for nests. It is a bird park after all and it's spring.


Junkyard Bunny




Life for the junkyard bunny on HWY 395 isn't all that luxurious
but it's a life. After all, gotta live somewhere.


The seagulls, on the other hand, have some choices.





28/04/2006

Invisible event



I am having a bitch of a time uploading the Bird Park video.
I'm sure this is devastating news but keep checking back. The show will go on....