22/10/2007

Tomorrow has finally arrived


Uncle Monkey welcomes you.





Fruity Rudy - Giuliani in the wild



I don't give a shit if Fruity Rudy gets his freak on but the hypocrite promises to support a constitutional ban on gay marriages. What's up with that, Giuliani? Right out of the Bush mold, politics trumps Constitution and Bill of Rights every fucking time.



Giuliani Fruity Rudy civil rights gay marriage

21/10/2007

Bible Babel


I never did care for the bible. Growing up Catholic, the church wouldn't even let us laity read it. Confusing, the priests said. 5th class scripture, Bhaktivedanta said later. And I really don't like the bible these days with THE SAVED running helter skelter condemning everybody to hell who doesn't accept their patented SALVATION. I understand this clip from the West Wing has been around for a while but I just found it tonight via 2parse/blog and find it very satisfying. Next time one of THE SAVED starts spewing their cherries, I'm going to lob a few of these, chapter and verse. Oh I know they have "explanations" for everything but choir member I am not.


Scene from the West Wing - Bible quotes





20/10/2007

NaNoWriMo tips


my apologies to Benedetta Bonichi for screwing with her beautiful artwork.

"Art is never finished, only abandoned." - Leonardo da Vinci

To which I add, "To abandon a work, one must first begin it."



NaNoWriMo is coming up and for those of you preparing to do it this year, here are the tips as promised.

Abandon all, ye who enter here.
Husband/wife/partner/children/friends/pets/work associates/probation officer. Let them all know in advance that they are on their own for the month of November, orphans all, no exceptions. One successful NaNo writer here in Reno, she completed 3 manuscripts in the last 3 years, prepares in October. She fills the freezer with frozen dinners, stuffs the pantry with snacks and easy to prepare boxed meals, soup to nuts, to keep the family alive while she lives the dream. They will survive. November is novel writing month. They can deal with it if you make it clear in advance that this is their only option. Don't worry. Besides, it is over all too soon.

Be a slob.
Another thing this woman does is buy a few sets of cheap sweat pants and tops in advance so that she doesn't have to think about what she's going to wear during NaNoWriMo. If you have to deal with a dress code at work, church, seeing your PO ... whatever ... figure it all out now. You don't want to waste time doing it November.

Word count is everything.
Tell the damn Internal Editor to take a hike. Don't edit. Write. No exceptions. Be a word slut. Keep the fingers moving no matter how nasty the writing may be. One thing I did to throw my IE off the scent was change the color of my font from black to white. Silly as that may sound, it helped.

Avoid distractions at all cost.
Admit your powerlessness over people, places and things. For example, I quickly learned that I could not write in my office because when I am here I always end up down the rabbit hole. Guaranteed. It starts simply enough. Got to go to dictionary.com to look up a word or hop on google for a flash to check a reference. Lies! All lies! Once I get online it's over so I pulled the plug. I took a crummy old laptop, left the wi-fi card at home, and ran to a public place almost every day. It cost me maybe 100 bucks in bistro coffee, food and gas but it was worth it. Consider it office rent. Cheap.

Word count is EVERYTHING.
Don't Do not use contractions. Avoid hyphenated words. Expand. Let the bullshit flow. You've got what it takes. I know you do!

Participate in the NaNo community.
Join a regional NaNo forum. Don't think that you are better than everyone else, that they are amateurs and you the real writer. You can do it for 30 days. Support is vital. Visit the NaNo site often. Listen to NaNo Radio. It helps you remember what you are doing. I also donated to the project, the minimum 10 bucks which put a golden halo over my name in the forums. Besides being a way to express my appreciation for all the work the organizers put into it, I felt more a part of things. Trust me. It helps.

Get some writing buddies.
Get competitive. It makes it more real. Go to a local write-in. Get down with other crazy writers in your area. Remember, they are also trying to write the first draft of their novel in 30 days.

Don't fall behind!
If you do, the wolves will get you.


my apologies to Toby Mitchel for screwing with his charming artwork.


Write damnit! WRITE!
1666.6666666666666666666666666667 words a day. Once ya get yer groove goin, ain't no thang. Stay up to catch up. This is your month to go crazy so go crazy! If you have prepared your circle properly, they won't try to talk you out of it when your hair starts arcing with electrostatic energy.



No, I won't be participating this year. I haven't done anything with the still steaming 50,000 word pile I did last year but I will be there in spirit and checking up on your progress. It's a blast. Love it. Treat yourself to the madness and the fun. It's worth the trouble.




19/10/2007

Behind the seen



I think Uncle Monkey is cutting some back stage deal with Rat Woman to be artistic director around here. I don't know what she has to say about things. I think that damn cape has gone to her head.



Ready? Or not.


Here it is. The sexy new black brace, mostly for night time. Three weeks of PT then the stitches come out. I can do a little two-handed typing now and I even drove to the post office to pick up my mail this afternoon. Rockin. I've been stalled on my creat-a-thon for the last two days but tomorrow I'll be back, sweating it out in front of the camera.

M. Lee and G. are now in San Carlos but they had a terrible day yesterday, just after crossing the border. The trailer broke away from the truck. Big mess. Lucky for them the damn boat didn't fall into the street. And luckily the cops didn't show up for bribes and all that bullshit. Instead a bunch of people immediately volunteered their help, including some guys in a pick up truck who luckily had a hitch and pulled them to a Pemex (the state run gas station, a monopoly) which, as luck would have it, just happened to be across the street and next door to a junkyard that, luckily, had the right size hitch. Lucky they weren't in the states where people just drive around you when you're having a problem.

Now the guy who owns the boat is a good friend. A great guy. I don't mean to be rude but he is, oh how can I say? Sloppy. His business until the trailer breaks away from the truck and one of its tires blows out in the middle of a busy Mexican street all because the fucking ball in the hitch is the wrong size. And probably the tire was bald. Then another problem today in San Carlos. The gas line for the outboard motor came off and the boat drifted to shore and beached. More luck. Sandy shore. Shallow draft. No big deal. Lucky again. And that is a problem. The right size hitch, good tires, making sure the gas lines are fitted properly? Not things you leave to luck. M. Lee is furious and G. is, as you can imagine, miserable.

They both feel horrible. In cramped quarters. They are good friends but very different. M. Lee researches everything first. Everything. But when it's done, it's right, or at least reliable. G. goes with whatever is handy. I'm more like him. This may be a shorter trip than planned. They haven't decided yet but I'm pretty sure they won't be doing any over night camping in remote lagoons.




18/10/2007

For your amusment



Four short clips of animals
solving everyday problems.
Guaranteed to amaze and delight you
(if you have a heart).



Smart Animals - video via Metacafe




17/10/2007

Wednesday cast removal day




None too soon, if you ask me. This thing leaves zero wiggle room and by the end of the day my hand is really annoyed. If I could just BE STILL, but alas that is never going to happen. A friend is coming by in a hour to pick me up. The doctor is in Reno but here I sit, one hand typing. That should be my new name, One Hand Typing. Or maybe Left Hand Mousing. It slows ya down, but it is a good exercise in mindfulness. I will say that. Anyway, I leave the fort. Other than to refill the bird feeders, I haven't stepped outside since the toy train left for Mexico.



16/10/2007

100 seconds of crude


Okay, here is my internet musical debut. I recorded it this morning; another step in my ongoing efforts to rise above crippling shyness, soul crushing isolation, face the machine, and just be myself. Don't ask me why.

This is an improvisation. The melody is simple-minded and fumbled out and the video itself is jumpy. I should be ashamed of myself but apparently not enough. So here it is, for your pleasure, 100 seconds of crude.







The blogging life

 
This episode of Achewood just happens strike a special cord with me.



15/10/2007

Life in the house and other residencies



Here I sit doing another blog post, as predicted. My hand hurts. I slept on it wrong last night and it is crabby and swollen inside the cast today. Except for the bugs scurrying about their business, and of course the Invisible Theatre troupe, there is no other life in the house. It's not that M. Lee and I talk much during the day. I pass his door on my way to the kitchen. I see the back of his head but he is there and now he is not. For a month. This is supposed to be my 30 days of wild creative abandon but mostly I just feel lonely. What a simp. I would blow a residency in this mood. Interesting that Poets.org is accepting submissions beginning today for the Walt Whitman Award. It includes a 30 day residency at the Vermont Studio Center.





Black Balloons


Climate Project

00:45




Leaving NV


Too early. The little birds haven't even made it to the Bird Park yet although the ravens and crows have come, cleaned up all the bread and French fries and gone. And M. Lee and G. are gone, off to San Carlos and the Sea of Cortez for a month (if they can stand each other that long) while I sit at home with my arm in a sling. Bastards! Just kidding. I already miss the hell out of Lee but I have big plans for myself. Oh yeah. Sprawling through the house on a big messy creative binge. He says when he gets home I will still be sitting right here slaving over a Huffpo comment or blog post. Ha! We shall see. I say I will rise above my crippling shyness, the soul crushing isolation of the burbs, faceoff this f*cking video editing software and synthesizer and the camera to create more complex and interesting clips than my current smash hits such as Quail Dust Bath Party or Lifetime in Tonopah. The glove is down babee and the clock is ticking ... and all this pecked out by the one finger method. Anyway, here is my latest nothing happening video but hey, it's my first splice job. What do you want for free?!


Departure





13/10/2007

Bon voyagers


Nevada
Starting out

On Monday M. Lee and his buddy Greg are leaving for a month of sailing on Mexico's Sea of Cortez. It's Greg's boat, truck and camper. Lee is rail meat, Gilligan and co-conspirator. I can't imagine navigating Mexican roads with that setup, even the toll roads. All in all the whole thing is as awkward as a semi, but I'm sure they will be just fine. Greg has been hauling one boat or another around for years and once they get to San Carlos they will be able to chose between living on the boat or staying in the trailer park and the marina is a wifi hot spot. Far cry from the kind of camping we do in the desert with nothing but coyotes for company. Anyway, I'll be lonely but Lee set up Gizmo on the laptop so it will only cost us 2 cents a minute to talk. Not bad. And while he's gone I plan on turning the whole house into a studio. I'm going to record myself reading poetry, playing music and, OMG, just talking to the camera YouTube style. I've done a few takes already and immediately deleted them. Frightful. I don't know what drives me to do the things I do.


San Carlos
Destination




12/10/2007

Zen bird



click... clickclick........ click......... cl..... ick..... click....

That is the sound of one hand not typing but I'm not complaining for one day after surgery. Hell, I used to know a poet in Santa Cruz who typed all his books with the one finger method. Anyway, yesterday I wandered down some pretty dark paths. For instance in pre-op, while the lab tech blew a couple of veins trying to set the I.V., it occurred to me that the glare of the oblong overhead light I was staring at is the last thing some people see just before dying and lying on the hard cold surgery gurney as I began swirling around the event horizon of my failing mind, I was overwhelmed with sadness thinking about all the lab animals who watch in horror as heartless researchers do terrible things to them, all without pain relief, and after surgery I briefly understood what it must be like to outlive your world and await death among indifferent strangers.

Today, swollen as it is, it's still wonderful having the pressure off my middle and ring fingers (ulner and median nerves) and the carpal tunnel repaired. If it weren't for the cast, I'd probably be able to flip the bird from a fist, a talent all but lost to me before yesterday. But in my brief absence I fear Uncle Monkey has been up to more shady business.








10/10/2007

Hi ho



Tomorrow I am going in for carpal tunnel surgery and am trying not to obsess on the fact that I can't eat or drink anything after midnight. It's a re-do and this time ... THIS TIME ... I am going to give it enough time to heal. Yes indeedy. My poor right hand is in need of four separate repairs, undoubtedly karma, a use it or lose it kind of thing, because I still haven't written the book that keeps swimming circles in my mind like a damn shark.

Not that I don't want to write it, mind you, plus November is bearing down on us like LARGE MARGE's semi. You know what that means. NaNoWriMo. National Novel Writing Month. Already I am receiving GET READY emails from the NaNo guys and feel the pull as though a gigantic hot full moon were rising in my head. But NO! I am not going to ride the cyclone this year. One, because I don't want to put undo stress on my hand. I'll save that for pressing matters such as commenting on political blogs. Two, because I still haven't done anything with the 50,000 words I mashed through my keyboard last year. Once I received my NaNo winner gif, I closed my password protected manuscript, sent it to several of my email accounts for safe keeping, and didn't look at it again for months. When I did, I was overcome by vertigo. Nevertheless, if you're thinking about doing it, go for it. What have you got to lose? Your sanity? ... whahahahaha .... Ahem. Excuse me. Well, it is a mind altering experience but I love that shit. Since I don't do drugs anymore, gotta get it however I can.





09/10/2007

Achewood all over again



Achewood is of my favorites but I can't read the new ones Chris continues to post daily because I never read up to them. I don't even remember where I left off so today I started reading the complete archive over from the beginning. Good thing to do after my carpal tunnel surgery this Thursday.







08/10/2007

Rat tales


Puppets are like birds, very camera shy,
especially when you sneak up on them.


The troupe here at the Invisible Theatre
are actors but even they can get touchy
when caught off guard. I only managed to
get a couple of photos before they all
scampered behind the proscenium
and pulled the curtains.

Turns out Rat Woman was reading from an
old five year diary that belonged to my mother (R).
It covers the time when she was first dating my father
and goes a couple of years after their marriage.
I wonder what else Rat Woman has been getting into?

September 11, 1940
"To C.B.* after work with Peach & Chuck.
Andy met us & to Jennings awhile.

The Draft Bill was passed. Wonder what's to be."

* Candy Bar - a favorite tavern where my parents and their friends spent A LOT OF TIME.





07/10/2007

Marcel Marceau, the greatest mime


For me, he did not die. How could such a man die? I saw him once when I was very young and he has been with me ever since. Here is a wonderful clip I just found. It is perhaps the only talky he ever made.





05/10/2007

While you were out


Shady deals. Don't even ask.



04/10/2007

TA DA


Out-of-State Qi has arrived!


If you haven't been following the news, I recently won the Hammer's distinguished First Annual Worst Colored Helmet Award. Mayan Leopard was on hand to greet Out-of-State Qi and conduct the sniff test. There are, after all, certain protocols around the Language Barrier one must observe so that the flow of good luck and winning virtue will not be impeded. Plus, it is one gorgeous hunk and will look great on my window sill. At least now I can proudly wear my helmet. Who knows? Out-of-State Qi may actually have ended up saving my life! Thanks Hammer!



excerpt from the interior prisoner


13.

Being is a mouth
with which an unknowable word articulates itself

in a language which is the partial imprint
of something prior to speech,

like the impression left in grass
where an animal has rested.


--------------
author unknown
a translation of an unsigned manuscript
written at Salamanca around 1902
translated by: geoffrey o'brien
published at wordplayground





29/09/2007

Annual Worst Colored Helmet Awards


Big day here. I just received the Annual Worst Colored Helmet Award. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Acceptance speech included below.

OMG!!! OMG!!! I can't thank The Hammer or the judges enough for this prestigious award. OMG.

(pause for tears and nose blowing)

I want you all to know that The ECOVLGQTIFIMBY will never end up in my garage. It will always be under the auspices of Maneki Neko and sit proudly on my window sill next to the now petrified chip from a flying saucer radiator that I found in the desert.

But actually I cannot accept this award for myself alone. I stand here tonight on behalf of all those brave souls who risk scorn and ridicule to wear their hideously colored helmets in public. Furthermore they do this in spite of helmet laws that many of us feel are an invasion of the rights of idiots everywhere to willy-nilly smash their brains on highways and byways and die free or live on as vegetables at the expense of the hearts and pock books of family and state. And we fervently hope that our example serves as a reminder to spectral bikers everywhere to wear your helmet dammit, and stop playing chicken with LARGE MARGE!




Ps. After reading eccentric recluse's comment that the The ECOVLGQTIFIMBY may be more than an Enormous Chunk Of Very Low Grade Quartz, I want to publicly remind you Hammer that that rock is mine!