Treasure box

I just rediscovered this collection of quotes my daughter-in-law sent earlier on of things my grandsons have said and am posting them here so I won't lose them again.

08.2016 
Today Frank asked to be called Fang. Prior to that is was Arrow and before that Orchid.

10.2016
Frank just asked me: mom, in water versus electricity, does water win because it breaks the electricity? Interesting thinking!

01.2017 
Leo just now: forever plus forever is another time.

05.2017
Frank and I were looking at a book that talked about the first space missions and how monkeys were sent up before people. Frank did not like this and said, "you don't test on creatures, you test on someone your own size." Thought you'd appreciate that!

01.2018  
Frank just now: what thing do you think will be here after us, after all the people die? Me: I don't know, what do you think? Frank: maybe...robots? Or zombies? 😨

Autumn equinox 2020

My eight-year-old grandson to his mother the other day . . .

Frank's flowers

"Mom, this is all so big. First the Covid, then the fires, and then my friend's house burned down." He proceeded to go into the yard, collect some flowers, and put this little bouquet on his desk."

Gary's good-bye

"Same. Smaller. Quieter."

That's how my daughter described her dad when I inquired how he was doing yesterday then, this afternoon, to the same question she wrote, "He died this morning. About an hour ago."  I wish he'd lived a happier life but his death was not as lonely as it might have been—she was sitting beside him—had been all morning—nor was it particularly sad, coming as it did after a long illness, cancer not covid.

So . . . yesterday afternoon as the nest full of baby birds under the roof tiles chirped away at the top of their shrill little voices, and I was painting an illustration for one of my poems while listening to music with headphones on, Gary dropped in from America to say good-bye. He was wispy and floating and mostly transparent (imagine something between a whitish horizontal veil-like form with flagella and a thin floating, mostly transparent sea creature) and kind of stand-offish as always, but he was there.¹ My eyes got blurry for a bit but I saw him clearly in my mind's eye . . . he in thin air, me in afternoon light, us remembering what our dreams had been back then (did he chortle?) and who we'd been for each other. We forgave each other. He lingered a few moments more then said good-bye.

Portugal . . . about an hour ago . . .

¹· No. I wasn't stoned or drunk nor do I claim this moment to be a "Fact". Just sharing my subjective experience.

Thanks for saving my life

We began isolating on March 14. Before that, we half-assed it for a couple of weeks but on the 18th it got real. That's when the Portuguese President declared a countrywide state of emergency and asked everyone to stay at home except for necessary trips to places like the grocery, bank, doctor, and pharmacy. The whole country cooperated. I so appreciate that. As a result, Portugal has been very successful in blocking the spread of the virus and tomorrow we begin the first stage of loosening restrictions. Some, like social distancing, will still apply but certain types of small businesses will reopen. 

I've really appreciated this time. I'm a hermit by nature but have never been terribly good at disciplining myself. During these last seven weeks, I've been able to recalibrate, begin painting again albeit slowly, write and organize my work, see a little deeper, a little more clearly, focus, renew, identify. It's been enough time for new ways to present themselves, hidden things to surface, resolve, finish unfinished business, heal. Today, for example, an event in the distant past suddenly came into sharp focus and I realized I had an amend to make.

My ex-husband is dying of cancer. We haven't been on good terms for years but it wasn't until today I saw, no matter how he might take it, I had a long overdue amends to make. It wasn't the length of time that clarified my thinking. It is this extraordinary suspension of ordinary life that gave the waters time to clear. Today I asked my daughter to pass along a long overdue recognition. "Thanks for saving my life". The details don't matter. The fact that I never thanked him does.

Merle and the Mystic Lamb

Ghent alter piece, St. Bavo's Cathedral Ghent

Last week, after a three-year restoration, the centerpiece of Jan Van Eyck's enormous 15th century, 12 panel masterpiece, ‘The Adoration of the Mystic Lamb’, returned to the alter at St Bavo’s Cathedral in Ghent, its home for the last nearly 600 years and people are freaking out about it. As one Twitter user writes, “The lamb of the Ghent Altarpiece was a mistake and whoever painted over it was right to do so.” Yes, the eyes are stunning. This is not the proverbial sacrificial lamb about to get his baby throat sliced open in yet another heartbreaking slaughter of innocence.

Memes abound

In a Guardian op-ed, Jonathan Jones thanks people for their insight then adds, "but I doubt Jan van Eyck ever made a mistake in his life. He was miles ahead of any Italian Renaissance artist, including Leonardo da Vinci" adding that Van Eyck's Lamb, "announces the Renaissance." Indeed.

Dad brought home a big surprise

Now, of course, the Mystic Lamb has His own Twitter account packed with juicy quotes befitting the gaze of the Lamb and memes abound which brings me to what is the real point of this post, introducing Merle (aka Merlin). 

Merle, my new granddoggo and skateboard champion
(actually he hated it)

When we saw Merlin at the shelter, cone and all, the very first thing I thought of was the Mystic Lamb, this before the restoration was unveiled. There is an uncanny likeness with and without the new eyes. So, here's the deal, if Van Eyck's Lamb still freaks you out, think of Merle, sweet as can be, rescued from the mean streets of California who now has three brothers, a loving Dad and home.

Merle and the Mystic Lamb

As my world dissolves around me . . .

The family, dogs included, came over tonight for lasagna and a movie.Very nice evening. Thea is spending the night. M. Lee and I leave Wednesday for southern Oregon, a couple of weeks there and then back to Nevada to begin dismantling our world. Not exactly sure where this road is leading. What I do know is that it's time shed another layer along the way.

Monkey business

We've been back from Costa Rica since about the 13th. One of the most memorable moments was walking in Cahuita National Park and getting shook down by some monkeys. They are extremely quick and very clever and we were rubes. First they managed to grab a snack bar from the table. We were just glad he didn't grab the iPhone. After that one approached me as I was finishing the last few bites of my bar. No words were necessary. His body language was impeccable . . . we could "do this the hard way or we could do this the easy way". I tossed it to him. Bad manners, yes, but we were delighted.

Change, the only constant

Wrong again. Why did I think life on Alligator Creek would always be the same? Nothing is ever the same. I'm not saying things always get worse, or that they are, but they do always change.

For one thing, Thea Bella and her mom are here with us this summer. Thea is now seven and is, as always, a delight though she manages to kick my ass nearly every time we play Sleeping Queens.

Great Blue Heron
& the old man by the sea.

On the other hand, Sonny has been gone since the 4th of July. That changes things. He was Alligator Creek's version of middle-aged Florida Man; a 50 something guy who, after countless misadventures, had been basically living on his parent's screen porch . . . for years. When he got going with his wild stories of the past or absurd plans for the future, whether on the phone or to his mom, the whole neighborhood could hear him. It didn't seem to bother him so what the hell? It was fun listening. Is he gone for good? Who's to say?

On the other hand, I happy to note that the great blue heron and the old man are both still around (see photo from a couple of years ago).  I saw the old fellow on the ferry to the beach. He still goes early and leaves by noon. The great blue heron is a little harder to catch up with but the other morning I saw him fishing along his usual lonely stretch of beach.

As for the squirrel scene, since a hawk got Frida a few years ago, I keep that on the down low, no more all day peanuts. It's safer that way. I put some nuts and seeds out in the morning and that's it. It took awhile but eventually one squirrel discovered them and was my only guest for nearly a week, then it was two, now sometimes four or five come by briefly in the morning.

Aunt Jane

At some point, ready or not, one may be called on to send off the dead. Aunt Jane was the last of her generation so this time the task fell to us.

Ashes to ashes

She died in December. My cousins hosted a nice, low-key party celebrating her life on the Spring Equinox. My daughter and I went to Sonoma for the weekend, stayed with them at her house and helped out.

Dust to dust

The following morning, Monday, it rained lightly as cousins Cathleen and Margaret, my daughter and I took her to the cemetery. Chairs, an awning and the niche beside Uncle Phil were waiting, as was the fellow who would close their door after we left. We didn't sit. Cathleen and Margret put her ashes next to their Dad, Cathleen read a piece she wrote for the occasion and that was it. Aunt Jane would have liked that.

"We all go somewhere...into the sea, into the sky,
into another story, or into a heaven of our understanding." ~ Cathleen V.

Worldview

Sweetness personified

We're leaving on Monday for a couple of months and, as usual, first we'll go to Portland to spend a little time with family. To their credit, the parents keep us supplied with photos but things there change fast.

The Gang

For example, Chance is taking full advantage of having two older brothers to learn from. Looks like he might be ready for a little one on one time.

Batter up!

Chance
expanding his worldview.

Then there's Thea. I hear she's become a graphic novel worm.  I suspect she might be up for an afternoon at Powell's Books, lunch included, gma's treat.

Graphic novel worm

And I hear Leo wants to be an artist so there's a easy trip to the art museum, lunch included. I'm not sure what special thing Frank might want to do. Last time he and I really enjoyed our special walk and lunch together. Maybe that's still good. We'll see. And, of course, there's an afternoon with gpa and gma at OMSI and/or the Portland Children's Museum. I'm pretty sure this time Chance will want in on that and the hikes.

Then, at the beginning of April we leave for Europe, first stop Germany.


Photos courtesy of Kristiana and A.B.

In her own words

From the time Chrissy was a young woman she attended the Center for Adaptive Learning in Concord, CA. It changed her life. She was high functioning on the autistic spectrum and really bloomed in the company of others and the support she found there.

Included below is a unedited paper Chrissy once wrote at The WooWoo Club, one of C.A.L.'s social/study groups she very much enjoyed. Her enthusiasm and achievements are on a level I can only aspire to. She really lived it in full.

Life Achievements by Chrissy

I am more independent. My goal is to be less co-dependent. Don't worry about what other people think. I have learned that in relationships everyone needs their space. I realize you don't have to be a victim, work through it and keep going on, move forward.

I have acceptance of my highest capacity and what I can handle with my disability. I see my disability as a positive.

I feel good about the direction I'm going in my life and seeing how far I've come. I'm able to take care of my cat I'm exercising at Curves you feel fabulous after a workout. It's taught me to live a healthier lifestyle.

The woo-woo group helps me relate to my life's situations, and learn about natural elements. I keep a daily gratude journal. Live in the present.

I am an independent woman and treasure my adult separate life and living off-site. We all have to stand on our own in our life.

Nexus farewell

We're in Concord for the weekend to participate in a memorial for Chrissy, M. Lee's sister. She passed away just before Christmas after an abrupt decline beginning in 2010. We didn't know what was happening at first but eventually it became clear that she was suffering from early onset dementia.

Today began with a more or less traditional religious service, followed by a luncheon for her friends and tonight a dinner with family and a few close friends. Chrissy's dear friend Patrick, too nervous to read his tender memorial during the church service, read it to us after dinner, on the sidewalk outside the restaurant. His words were sweet perfect closure and so it is done. Probably we will not see most of these people again. Chrissy drew us together and now we leave with our separate memories.

The longest night

Happy New Year!

Last night we rode Santa's holiday train

The winter solstice this year occurs on Tuesday, December 22, 2015 at 04:49 UTC. At the moment, I'm in Portland Oregon so that means the solstice happens here today, the 21st, at 8:49 PM. For me, the winter solstice marks the end of the old year and the beginning of the new so .... wishing all a good new year.

Baby Chance wasn't so sure about Santa
but he liked the candy cane, his first.

The train wasn't going very fast. Cyclists were passing us on the bike path that follows the tracks but it was enough to make for a thrilling ride and shaky cam photos.

Off into the longest night

Holiday turn around

We're back in Nevada now. We got back to the states a month ago but went right to Oregon to visit family. Big changes. Baby Chance is starting to walk. Thea is now in first grade. Leo is in pre-K and Frank started pre-school. Of course it was wonderful seeing everyone but the gkids absolutely enchant me. We'll return in a few weeks for a holiday visit. Among other things we'll get to see Thea be a princess soldier in "The Children's Nutcracker", her first ballet, and afterwards we'll take all the kids on the Portland Holiday Express.

In all, we were gone seven months but I was certain that Maggie Magpie would show up at the Bird Park the next morning. I put the seeds, peanuts and tiny puppy kibble out and indeed she was. The surprising thing was that she was not alone. Lots of magpies came plus some blackbirds and this morning the quail were out there as well. The little birds haven't showed up yet. Generally it takes them about a week to catch on. When they do, the Bird Park will be in full swing. It's good to be back but M. Lee is already planning the next adventure.

Thea said

 Today's quote from my six-year old granddaughter,

"Kids are totally cool, but not grown-ups.  The only reason grown-ups are cool is cause they're so easy to annoy. You can frustrate them and then they put you in your room and you get to be by yourself for awhile. And then you can make plans to run away and get all the candy in the world. I've gone bankrupt for candy."

Terrible Twos

Frank and Baby Chance

Frank is currently smack dab in the middle of the Terrible Twos. Yes, he's darling, charming and wonderful but at two years old proving his independence and prowess is a top priority. Anything can turn into a challenge. As nearly five-year-old Leo told me on the phone yesterday, "Frank couldn't come to the park with us today because he had a meltdown". This photo of Frank with Baby Chance says it all. You talkin' to me? Trust me. You do not want to mess with me!

Happy Father's Day and Summer Solstice

Me and a few of the gkids

Happy Father's Day to all you dads and Happy Summer Solstice as well. It's a great combination for a day. Definitely, indulge yourselves today. May you live long and always bask in the love of your family and children.

My own dear dad is long gone. Unfortunately, he didn't live long enough to see me pull out of the tailspin of my early years, though he predicted one day I would. Thank you for that. Neither did he live long enough to meet any of his own wonderful grandchildren. I attribute that to his meat, cigarettes and booze heavy diet and lack of exercise. It was the curse of his times and still is for a great many  people. He was otherwise a bull of man and a great dad.

And, as it's summer solstice for everyone in the northern hemisphere, Happy Summer Solstice to all. Also, Happy Winter Solstice to everyone in the southern hemisphere. The sun is just now making it's turn back your way.

The ruins of Spain

Early two-legged Earthling
National Archaeological
Museum of Spain

We spent the last two days at the National Archaeological Museum of Spain located here in Madrid. The minute you walk in the door they hit you with the fact that all of Spain is a huge archaeological treasure trove. We saw artifacts dating back 1.3 million years.

Because Spain is a stones throw from Africa and an inevitable destination along the Mediterranean trade routes from the middle east and Asia people, and prehistoric versions of people, have been mucking it up in Spain for a million years and, like people always do, they built and torn down, lost and left shit all over the place.

Gargoyle and me

In America, we marvel at how old something is our grandparents left behind. In Spain, loosen the dirt with a teaspoon, and you find something that someone dropped three thousand years ago. This doesn't mean that I now love Madrid but I do have an increased respect and curiosity about Spain itself. We're hoping to get to a few nearby historical sites before we leave the area but today it's back to Reina Sofia to see a bit more art.

Cloudy day in Madrid

LA, the beginning

While, officially, we "launched" a couple of weeks ago, LA really marks the beginning of the trip. Oregon is family. The airbnb place we're renting belongs to a woman in the movie business .... set design etc.. The decor here is a cross between 1930's thrift store chic and its dumpster out back. M. Lee, who is more kindly disposed to the display, describes it a prop warehouse. I'm sure he's right. Why else stuff some twenty dilapidated plaid suitcases of various bright colors under the bed? And the rooms are stuffed with everything from ancient phones, croquet sets, movie posters, animal skins, dishes, neon hotel signs, typewriters, cameras, antiquish bathroom scales, tennis racquets, spent bullets, rusty old coffee cans and lanterns to a wall of framed paint-by-numbers landscapes. In a word, crammed. Drives me not so quietly crazy which drives him crazy.

Our first day here, right off the plane, we took his mom to her favorite thrift store, a chain called Council Thrift. She found a white jacket she really liked and put it on to get M.'s opinion before buying it then went off to the cashier, still wearing it, and purchased her own coat, still in hand, for the grand price of five bucks. Later, realizing what she'd done, she was mortified. Luckily, she's a good sport because we're getting a lot of mileage out of it.

Off to Disney Land

And tomorrow we "do lunch" with Thea Bella, her gorgeous, green-haired, 15 year-old sister, mom and dad. They are, at this moment, en-route to Disney Land. Lucky for us, our paths just happen to cross because the next day we leave for Istanbul.

T plus 6 days

Blowing dandelions

We're launched and, sadly, that means the Bird Park is closed. Of course, the house sitter keeps one seed tube filled for the little birds but it's too much to ask anyone to do what I do. Damn. Just when it was getting interesting. Maggie Magpie had become comfortable with me being out in the yard with her and Charlie the crow was dropping by mid-morning for his own, private snack. He selected a spot as far away from the main area in the Bird Park as possible, a section of fence under the trees right outside the kitchen window, and from there called until I came out and gave him his peanuts. If we were around more, no telling how this might develop. In summers past he'd perch on the fence opposite my office window, where the main area in Bird Park is located, and pitch his case. That bird can sweet talk. But now we're gone. I'm sure Maggie will keep an eye on things. She always shows up within a day of our return.

Pizza night

But now we're on the road. Of course, as usual, we're starting our adventure in Portland. Gotta see the gkids. The other day four-year old Leo took us to Reed Canyon, a lovely little ravine on the campus of Reed College which is, to Reed's credit, still quiet enough to support nesting ducks and geese. As for Thea, she is currently learning about the universe in kindergarten science class and has "definitely decided, no doubt about it," that I am an alien.

Baby Chance