Gas prices

 The price of gas is the life of the planet.

Moving on

For now, this is my/our last day in Portugal. Tomorrow at 03h I will go to the airport for my flight to the US.

"Valeu a pena? Tudo vale a pena se a alma nao e pequena."
"Was it worth it? Everything is worth it if the soul is not small."
Fernando Pessoa, Portuguese poet

"I know not what tomorrow will bring."
He died the next day. 

Pen and pruning hook

They say "the pen is mightier than the sword". True, but not true enough. The pen is a sword, the sword which is sharpened only when I turn it on myself.

Gone are the adolescent dreams of the glory of a tragic death, gone fascination with battles fought, won or lost. The validation of success is a tattered flag limp in the wind's fury. There is no enduring victory, only quiet at the end of things.

They say "beat the swords into plowshares and pruning hooks". The pen is also a shovel and a pruning hook. Dig and uncover the truth of things, the truth within, truth with a small "t". That is the truth that matters. Prune the rest.

Sung - Conflict

 讼

Hexagram 6
Sung - Conflict

Changing lines
/Line Three
He stands on his integrity, no matter what ill winds may blast him. Stand or fall, in the end he will remain exactly who he is.

/Line Four
Realizing the very root of conflict lies within his own heart, he lays down his arms and resolves to accept the things he cannot change.

Phase One

Phase One” from Bring Now the Angels
by Dilruba Ahmed, 2020


For leaving the fridge open
last night, I forgive you.
For conjuring white curtains
instead of living your life.

For the seedlings that wilt, now,
in tiny pots, I forgive you.
For saying no first
but yes as an afterthought.

I forgive you for hideous visions
after childbirth, brought on by loss
of sleep. And when the baby woke
repeatedly, for your silent rebuke

in the dark, “What’s your beef?”
I forgive your letting vines
overtake the garden. For fearing
your own propensity to love.

For losing, again, your bag
en route from San Francisco;
for the equally heedless drive back
on the caffeine-fueled return.

I forgive you for leaving
windows open in rain
and soaking library books
again. For putting forth

only revisions of yourself,
with punctuation worked over,
instead of the disordered truth,
I forgive you. For singing mostly

when the shower drowns
your voice. For so admiring
the drummer you failed to hear
the drum. In forgotten tin cans,

may forgiveness gather. Pooling
in gutters. Gushing from pipes.
A great steady rain of olives
from branches, relieved

of cruelty and petty meanness.
With it, a flurry of wings, thirteen
gray pigeons. Ointment reserved
for healers and prophets. I forgive you.

I forgive you. For feeling awkward
and nervous without reason.
For bearing Keats’s empty vessel
with such calm you worried

you had, perhaps, no moral
center at all. For treating your mother
with contempt when she deserved
compassion. I forgive you. I forgive

you. I forgive you. For growing
a capacity for love that is great
but matched only, perhaps,
by your loneliness. For being unable

to forgive yourself first so you
could then forgive others and
at last find a way to become
the love that you want in this world.

 

Night bird

Note to self
There is a bird here on Portugal's Atlantic coast I only hear sing as midnight approaches. I love the song. I picked the song for a phone notification before I ever heard it in the wild. Hearing it at night like this is one thing I will really miss when we leave here, one thing among many, but also one of my favorites of all times. I must find out the name of this magical creature, and what she looks like so the memory of her and her wonderful call remains with me when we go.

Industrial battles

Industrial farming corporations battle nature but it is Nature who taught the Kung Fo masters.

Get out of the way

"Knives cut. Buckets hold. Sometimes—the only thing you can do is get out of the way." - I Ching

Picasso's thoughts on poetry

"Poems? There are stacks of poems lying here. When I began to write them I wanted to prepare myself a palette of words, as if I were dealing with colours. All these words were weighted, filtered and appraised. I don't put much stock in spontaneous expressions of the unconscious." He added that long after his death his writing would "gain recognition and encyclopedias would say: 'Picasso, Pablo Ruiz – Spanish poet who dabbled in painting, drawing and sculpture.'"

Treasure box

I just rediscovered this collection of quotes my daughter-in-law sent earlier on of things my grandsons have said and am posting them here so I won't lose them again.

08.2016 
Today Frank asked to be called Fang. Prior to that is was Arrow and before that Orchid.

10.2016
Frank just asked me: mom, in water versus electricity, does water win because it breaks the electricity? Interesting thinking!

01.2017 
Leo just now: forever plus forever is another time.

05.2017
Frank and I were looking at a book that talked about the first space missions and how monkeys were sent up before people. Frank did not like this and said, "you don't test on creatures, you test on someone your own size." Thought you'd appreciate that!

01.2018  
Frank just now: what thing do you think will be here after us, after all the people die? Me: I don't know, what do you think? Frank: maybe...robots? Or zombies? 😨

Swami and Juan Carlos rockin' out in the Alentejo

Amator

Amateur or Amator

"The very classification 'amateur' has an apologetic ring but that word, from the Latin amator, 'lover'- means one who does something for the love of the thing rather than for economic reasons or necessity. And this is the meaning from which the amateur filmmaker should take his cue. Instead of envying the script and dialogue writers, the trained actors, the elaborate staff and sets, the enormous production budgets of the professional film, the amateur should make use of the one great advantage which all professionals envy him, namely, freedom-both artistic and physical."

-Maya Deren, "Amateur versus Professional," Movie Makers Annual, 1959

Summer solstice two days late

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying the longest day of year 2021 north of the equator was two days late. I am late writing about it, which I think is a first since I started this blog 18 years ago. 

It was an odd oversight as I've been watching sunlight slowly move north for months, waiting for it to finally shine on Plantie. She's the little rescue plant I moved to the narrow gorilla garden along the wall of the parking lot across the street. Others have planted things there as well so it seemed okay. She had outgrown her pot and was beginning to die. The biggest problem in this tiny garden is that a wall shades it most of the year. 

It was only as summer solstice drew near that Plantie and her companions finally got to enjoy the sun's early morning rays, which they say is like mother's milk to growing things. Now that this singular moment has passed, the shade will soon return. 

I miss having my own garden, such is apartment life, but how did I miss the solstice? I was distracted, rushed, busy from the beginning of that day to its end when I finally went to bed. First it was with one of my ongoing medical issues, it sucks getting old, followed by two meetings in a row. I intend to die with my boots on.

Summer residents

Flight path of the swallows

They live as far away as South Africa in the winter but in summer we are graced by the return of the Swallows, Martins, and Swifts. I'm not entirely sure which species lives in my neighborhood, they all look similar, but probably these guys are Swallows. Whichever, it's breakfast time, so I'm enjoying their fascinating aerial ballet. In any case, they all do the same dip, dive, and swirling flight as they mine the air for food but, to be honest, I wish they were Swifts. They especially fascinate me. Other than nesting time, they spend their entire lives in the air. How is that even possible?

 

 There is another world, but it is in this one." -- Paul Eluard

(Image credit: Alamy)

Restoring nature means we have to learn how to share the world with other species rather than dominate them. The BBC published an interesting article on this topic last month titled The nature reserve with the 500-year plan. Check it out.

May 29 note to self

Chiang Mai - Thailand
remains of offerings
from a Spirit House

Portugal.

Off shore spring wind howling around the building. Going though some photos from Thailand 2014. Devotion brings out the best in us. Time takes it all. Even love attends grief.

Life

Tao Te Ching...

verse for today (*):

48

In pursuit of knowledge,
every day something is added.
In the practice of the Tao,
every day something is dropped.
Less and less do you need to force things,
until finally you arrive at non-action.
When nothing is done,
nothing is left undone.

True mastery can be gained
by letting things go their own way.
It can't be gained by interfering.

(translation by Stephen Mitchell, 1995)

One star universe

How many stars can you see at night from your place on earth? I grew up where we saw a lot, the whole sky we thought. Of course, as telescopes and space probes continue to improve, we see universes beyond universes. Who knows? Perhaps there really are parallel universes, one of my favorite ideas, but back to point, asha.

I lived in NYC for a year in my 20s and, if I was lucky, I could see one star at night from my hotel room window and that only through the various kinds of pollution suffocating us. That star immediately became my special friend, a comfort, a wonder and a joy. It still is. I can still see its singular, hazy light. It's still a light in the dark; in spite of everything I may be going through, you may be going through, we may be going through, it still comforts and amazes me. Even if the star itself was extinguished centuries or millennia ago by the forces of time, it still shines in the theatre of my mind, connecting me to something greater, something enduring, a comfort in spite of everything.

Want to see where clear night skies still exist?  Light pollution map. 

51 years later

The message was sent  51 years ago. I received it tonight.


Cast Hexagram

    谦  

#15 - Ch'ien - Modesty

THE IMAGE

Within the earth, a mountain:
The image of MODESTY.
Thus the superior man reduces that which is too much,
And augments that which is too little.
He weighs things and makes them equal.

Notes from Coimbra

Note from the future

March - Worm Moon

March 28,

Worm Moon might not the happiest day if you're the worm. If you're a robin it might be a great day. For the rest of us . . . sometimes an ordinary day is best. In any case,  the Full Moon in March is the Worm Moon, and it is usually considered the last Full Moon of winter. It is also called Lenten Moon, Crow Moon, Crust Moon, Chaste Moon, Sugar Moon, and Sap Moon.

Failure is an opportunity

 

Tao Te Ching...

verse for today:

79

Failure is an opportunity.
If you blame someone else,
there is no end to the blame.

Therefore the Master
fulfills her own obligations
and corrects her own mistakes.
She does what she needs to do
and demands nothing of others.

(translation by Stephen Mitchell, 1995)
-+-+-+-

source: I Ching Online

Spring equinox 2021

 - Happy Vernal Equinox -
beginning of spring in Earth's northern hemisphere

beginning of autumn in Earth's southern hemisphere

Along with dawn, dusk, and phases of the moon, Vernal Equinox (beginning of spring) and the Autumnal Equinox (beginning of autumn) are among the few truly universal events observed and celebrated on this planet, and not just by humans. After all, who hasn't felt like howling at the moon now and then or, sometimes, wake to see early rays of morning light? So today is the Vernal Equinox. For the one moment sunlight crosses the celestial equator moving from south to north, day and night are of equal duration the world over.  Have a lovely day, better yet, have an ordinary day. I don't know about you but these strange days I find myself longing for nothing more than an ordinary day.

Ta Ch'u and the Ides of March

"Others have trodden this Path before you, overcoming the same obstacles facing you now, and making crucial decisions at the same crossroads. Study their journals, watch for their trail markings. Gain inspiration and wisdom from the heroes and learn from the mistakes of those who chose a sidepath. All were Seekers, explorers whose daring mapped a course you can follow."
~I Ching / Ta Ch'u

"Beware the Ides of March."

The thing is, March 15 is no longer the Ides of March and hasn't been for a long time. In the Roman (moon) calendar of Caesar's time, Ides merely meant first full moon of the month. This year (2021) the first full moon in March is on the 28th (sun calendar). All this woo-woo about March 15 is correlation, superstition, and dramatic renderings of history.

When I expand my reference a bit, what I remember is that any and every day is simultaneously somebody's best and somebody else's worst day of their life, and by somebody I mean all living beings on the planet, not just us humans. With this in mind, I'm content letting March 15 be nothing special. As my son says . . . "Have an ordinary day." 

 

Who made them cry?

 Why not ask the palace staff who were driven to tears
who, exactly, "made them cry"? Megan or Kate? 

It's not a mystery to the people it happened to yet the press and palace carry on as though this is an impossible question to answer therefore why ask it, just go on with the hand-wringing and suggest answers to questions that are not theirs to answer in the first place. It's all a sham.

I Dream a Highway

I haven't got many words lately. Sometimes music is the best way to talk about what's going on . . .

written and recorded by Gillian Welch

Lawrence Ferlinghetti leaves

 Lawrence Ferlinghetti died last night. He had a good long run, a hundred and one years. I'm guessing he outlived almost everyone who from San Francisco's original beat scene. Uncle John turned me on to what was happening in North Beach when I was a kid. I couldn't wait to go there and to Ferlinghetti's bookstore, City Lights, and did eventually when I got old enough. The whole scene was another 'boy's club' of course but the writing and music was good, kicked some walls down. It's still there, by the way, the bookstore, and worth a visit next time you're in SF.

Paris Review obit

Farewell Chick Corea - RIP

Besides being a stellar pianist, jazz composer, keyboardist, bandleader, and occasional percussionist Chick Corea was a truly kind man. Back in the early 80's, one of the darkest, most isolated periods of my life, I wrote him a letter. I have no idea how or why I had his address. I don't even know how I got a stamp or envelope. I was living alone in a trailer in a holler in West Virginia without electricity or running water. I think a friend had played some gigs with him.

Anyway, I wrote him and some time later, a letter showed up in my battered mailbox. He encouraged me to hold on, to trust the path. It made a difference. In all, we exchanged a couple of letters. He invited me to stay in touch, but I didn't.


This is an atypical piece for him but it speaks to me.

He died a couple of days ago at the age of 79. Now, I have no idea what (if anything) happens to an individual after death but . . . thank you for your kindness and best wishes, Chick Corea, where/whatever you are now. 

 

Walking Blues (Robert Johnson). Keb' Mo' | Playing For Change |

Squirrel Appreciation Day

It's that time of year again, so roll out the peanuts and other snacks.

It's Squirrel Appreciation Day.

Amanda Gorman

The Hill We Climb, Amanda Gorma's brilliant poem and presentation was the highlight of the Biden/Harris inauguration, at least for me. And, yes, Biden's and Harris' speeches were perfectly suited to the gravity and and hopefulness of the situation.

And all this happening at the Capital building where, only days before, a radical right-wing mob, activated during the last four years when Republicans controlled all three houses of government, was climbing the Capital walls in an attempt to take over America and replace it with their version of fascism.

Reality check

Time to check the Fact Checkers. It's more important than ever.        

Stand back and look at it. Is it a "whisper" or does back itself up? Ask yourself, who's talking? Find out their sources and methods for determining what is ACTUALLY a "fact". Find out where their money comes from. Find out who agrees with them. Find our which institutions, political pacts, fact checkers, authorities, and public figures agree with them and know who pays THEIR bills.

Ask yourself, who's talking? Find out their sources and methods for determining what is ACTUALLY a "fact". Find out where their money comes from. Find out who agrees with them. Find our which institutions, political pacts, fact checkers, authorities, and public figures agree with them and know who pays THEIR bills.

And if this is all too hard for you, if you accept something as "fact" because it fits what you already think or someone you like tells you it's true then, my friend, you're an easy target for anyone appealing to your fear and anger rather than your reason and strength.

Want to give yourself a chance? Learn to tell the difference between the shit and the ice cream. Know how to check the facts and the fact checkers AND be willing to change your mind when the fact checkers don't check out.

American Exceptionalism

I'm putting this article here from Medium for my future reference and yours if you're interested in seeing America without makeup.

"American Exceptionalism Is Getting You Killed
Indi Samarajiva

America is choking to death on its own mythology. The ‘strongest nation in the world’ cannot defend its own Capitol. The ‘oldest democracy in the world’ is attacking the right to vote. The ‘richest people in history’ are broke and dying in lakhs upon lakhs.

(White) Americans consistently refuse to believe what is happening to them because it’s not supposed to be happening to them. Our democracy cannot be collapsing, it’s so old. The pandemic cannot be out of control, we’re rich. From the crazies of Q-Anon to sober talking heads on TV, everybody agrees, America is exceptional and things cannot be exactly what they are.

The country cannot be corrupt, that’s for Africans. The country cannot have a coup, that’s what we do to South America. The country cannot be collapsing, that’s the ‘third world’. And yet here you are.

American exceptionalism is wrong. Worse than wrong, American exceptionalism is precisely what’s getting you killed.
American Myths

As CLR James said, “a myth that has lost all contact with reality is the direct source of immeasurable confusion, catastrophes and disasters.” That’s precisely where America is today. The myth of American greatness has come completely unmoored from American reality, and disaster has ensued.

The most central myth is that America is a city on the hill, destined for greatness, blessed and best among nations, leader of the free world. Every country has some delusions of grandeur, but no one believes it with the confidence of an American. Because for many years, they’ve been right (as in might makes right). America was the lone superpower for years, with consumer goods and power to rain death anywhere upon the globe. Now a microscopic virus has shown how fragile it all was.

The fact is that the central myth of America — that it is an old, strong, and prosperous democracy — is not true. None of it is true, but the fact that this has become a quasi-religious belief makes it impossible to fix anything without also melting American brains. People would rather die than believe that America sucks. So they’re dying.

Let me unwind these myths as gently as I can (not very gently).

    American democracy was founded by black people just 55 years ago.

Your democracy is shit

American democracy is only 55 years old and it was founded by black people. Modern democracy is one person, one vote, and America only got universal franchise in 1965, after 56 other countries. American democracy isn’t old at all, it’s very young, which explains a lot. The fact that your founders are black people like Rosa Parks and John Lewis, of course, completely short-circuits many American brains.

American democracy is also not very good, built as it is on a centuries old voter suppression system. Literally nobody else waits for hours to vote. In most countries the popular vote winner wins. Nobody waits for two months to seat the President. Your democracy is honestly quite shit, as you may have noticed, because it’s on fire.

    Your security forces are more likely to join white terrorists than to resist them.

Your defenses are weak

Americans are surprised that their Capitol was so easily overrun, but that’s misunderstanding what American ‘defense’ is, and who it is. America’s ‘defensive’ troops are actually ‘offensive’ troops, bombing poor places and torturing Muslims for sport. Starving people in Yemen or endlessly occupying Afghanistan has nothing to do with your freedom and security, as you may notice as you can’t fucking go there.

America is wholly unprepared to defend itself against its greatest threat, which is white America. Your intelligence services merrily drone an ‘Allahu akbar’ from 10,000 miles away but won’t track public Facebook events in their own city. Your security forces are more likely to join white terrorists than to resist them. Your cops and and border police are the same, they’re offensive forces pointed at brown and black people. When it comes to the actual threats America faces, your ‘defenses’ are more likely to turn against you than help.
Image for post
Image for post

    The modern image of America is a car in a bread line, the perverse juxtaposition of seeming prosperity with actual poverty.

Your people are suffering

The general myth of America was that all its sins were OK because it somehow worked and delivered prosperity. This doesn’t work anymore, and it never did for many people. America has worse public health than Ghana, worse infrastructure than China, and a weaker democracy than Malawi. Much poorer countries have better healthcare (like Cuba) and literally no one goes into debt peonage for education like Americans. Nobody imprisons as many people. Nobody has active-shooter drills in schools. Nobody is dying of COVID-19 so bad.

America has also completely divorced its ‘economy’ (ie, rich people’s yacht money) from people’s actual lives. Stock prices go up while people go hungry. The modern image of America is a car in a bread line, the perverse juxtaposition of seeming prosperity with actual poverty. Life is pretty shit, as you may have noticed if you’re alive.
America Is A Country In The World

I say this not to dunk on America (well, a bit) but just to welcome you to the world. We’re all in some shit, aren’t we? In the third world we regularly get printed reports about how much we suck and how we can do better, and a lot of its true. You guys should now take some feedback from us. The central myth of American exceptionalism is that America is not like other countries and is thus not comparable (except maybe to other rich, white people) but that’s not true. America is just another country in the world. We can send consultants. Or just ask the black, indigenous, or ‘illegal’ people in your midst. They get it.

White Americans are not used to examining how you suck, but this dooms you to never getting better. It’s like never going to the doctor because you were in great shape in high school. Uh OK, that’s how you die of gangrene in the modern world. Your nation has literally turned into a Bruce Springsteen song, which is not a good thing.

America has been a failed state in a Gucci belt for years, and now even the belt has fallen off. I’m telling you, the empire has no clothes.
The Mental Collapse

This should actually help you because you could then see your problems, learn about other solutions, and fix them. Rather than looking down on the third world, you could look up to places like Mongolia, and learn. Unfortunately, this just isn’t human nature. People will literally die before swallowing their pride.

Rather than admitting that they voted for a grifter, many Americans have created a whole-ass world where Trump is a hero, secretly fighting Satanic pedophiles, and not, you know, just a grifter. Rather than admitting that America has failed on COVID-19, they’re saying COVID-19 doesn’t exist. This sounds crazy, but it’s one way of resolving the cognitive dissonance of America’s collapsing myths.

Even liberals really struggle with the core fact that America is a just another country in the world. April D. Ryan asks “what makes us different from a third world country & dictatorships?” The answer is nothing, besides hubris. Nothing makes you different. Looking down on these countries just makes you ignorant. April Ryan seems cool, but even she inhabits the same mythology of American exceptionalism.

Pete Buttigieg will say “weapons like the one I carried in Afghanistan have no place on our streets or in our schools — least of all in the hands of white nationalists” ignoring the fact that white nationalists shouldn’t be carrying weapons in Afghanistan either, and that chickens come home to roost. Buttigieg seems like a douche but not evil. Even his brain cannot process that Americans should not be using these weapons on anyone. Even to him, America is an exception.

This idea that exceptionalism is some protective secret sauce (ingredients: blood of Jesus, 11 herbs and spices, OxyContin) is precisely what’s getting you killed. There is no fucking sauce, you’re just another country and you’ve committed the cardinal mistake of smoking your own propaganda. Just look at where you are, look at other people, and try to do better. You’re not better than everybody else. It is this idea that’s made you so much worse.

Again, I’m saying this ‘solution’ like it’s possible, which it is, theoretically. Just not psychologically. People would rather believe that Americans are the victims of their own demise rather than their cause. People will literally believe in a modern Protocols of The Elders of Zion rather than looking at the elites looting in front of their eyes. This stabbed in the back mentality leads, of course, right to Hitler ’32.

So this is where you are. Face down in a ditch, insisting you’re among the stars. The first rule of being in a hole is to stop digging, but half of Americans don’t even believe in holes.

Perhaps you think I’m building to some solution but I’m not. I have no idea where you’re going (your children will have to figure that out) but you’ll never get there without understanding where you came from, and where you are. All I can tell you is this. America is exceptionally fucked."

Come on home

2020 was a hard year and I'm certainly not alone thinking that. What difference does a flip of the calendar mean? Ten miles into the woods, ten miles out so it's the direction you're going that matters. Better make sure you're going in the right direction. Even then, it's a long walk back.